And Finn... Finn looks away.
After the others scatter to prepare for the afternoon's ride, Finn lingers. He sits beside me quietly, pulling at the hem of his shirt like he's trying to find words that won't explode in his face.
"So... uh. You and Malrik," he says finally.
"Yeah." I wait for the rest, for whatever's churning behind his green eyes.
“Right. You and Malrik. Makes sense. I mean, if you’re gonna go for emotionally devastating, might as well go all in.”
I snort despite myself, the tension breaking just enough for me to breathe. He grins—then sobers, the humor draining from his face like water through a cracked cup.
"I keep trying to figure out when I stopped showing up for you," he says, his voice softer than I'm used to hearing. "You're not hard to love, Kaia. Just easy to lose if you're stupid enough to blink."
My heart does something complicated. He's close to something real, something that matters, and I lean forward despite myself. "Finn—"
But he's already pulling back, slipping into humor before things get too honest. "Anyway. Gotta go make sure Bob hasn't unionized your shadow army again. Carry on with your royal water sex or whatever."
He leaves with a crooked smile, but his bond hums low and wounded in my chest. I watch him walk away, noting the careful distance he maintains, the way he always flinches away from the truth.
He's trying. I know he's trying. But it's not enough.
I stare out over the tree line as the sun begins its descent toward the mountains, painting the sky in shades of gold and crimson. My shadows drift around my feet, restless and pissed off, mirroring the mess in my head.
I thought bonding with Malrik would fix this clusterfuck in my brain. That choosing one of them—choosing any of them—would prove that my heart was mine to give.
But nothing's simple anymore. Not love. Not magic. Not fate.
Especially not the bond that's still waiting for me at the edge of everything I can't forgive.
The incomplete connection throbs like a bruise I can't stop pressing, and I want to scream at it to just fuck off already.
Soon, I'll have to face it. Face him.
But not today. Today I can pretend I'm not completely screwed.
Even if deep down, I’m starting to wonder if the only choice I ever had was how fast to fall.
Chapter 44
Kieran
Kieran
I leave before the others finish breaking camp.
Not because anyone asks me to scout ahead. Not because tactical protocol demands it. I leave because standing there, watching Kaia move through the morning routine with Malrik's quiet presence at her shoulder, makes something in my chest pull too tight to ignore.
She's settling. With them. Finding her balance in bonds that grew instead of being forced into place.
And she should.
But every time I see it—the easy way she leans into Aspen's steadying touch, the soft smile that curves her lips when Torric brings her tea without being asked, the comfortable silence sheshares with Malrik—I wonder if she would've needed them so desperately if I hadn't broken her first.
The thought tracks me up the mountain, silent and patient. Like it knows I won't shake it this time.
My horse's hoofbeats ring against stone as I put distance between myself and the weight of watching her heal from damage I caused. The morning air carries the familiar wrongness of Absentia—corruption that tastes like metal and old death, thick enough to coat the back of my throat.
This is what I do. Look ahead so I don't have to look too close. Motion as habit. Silence as armor.
