“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Since our bond locked.” His voice is matter-of-fact, no judgment in it. “You’ve been finding excuses to be anywhere she isn’t.”
I open my mouth to deny it, then close it again. Because he’s right, and I hate him for it.
“You want to know why?” The words tear out of me before I can stop them. “Because watching her, feeling her bond with you—with anyone—hurts like hell, even though I’m the one who pushed for all of this.”
Aspen is quiet, waiting.
“I brought us all together. Me, her, Malrik. I made it happen because I could see what we all wanted but were too scared to reach for.” My voice cracks. “And then the moment it became real, the moment she started bonding with people, I panicked and started pulling away.”
“Because you were jealous?”
“Because I was terrified.” I drag my hands through my hair. “What if I created something beautiful and then discovered I don’t actually belong in it? What if the bond between me and her isn’t as strong as what she has with you, or Malrik, or any of the others?”
Aspen considers this. “So instead of finding out, you decided to prove yourself right by disappearing?”
The quiet observation hits harder than any accusation could. “Pretty fucking stupid, right?”
“Understandable,” he says instead. “But stupid, yes.”
We sit in silence for a moment, the weight of my confession settling between us.
“She’s been looking for you, you know,” Aspen says finally. “Asking where you are, why you seem different. Her shadows drift toward the places you used to be.”
My heart stutters. “They do?”
“Bob’s been particularly agitated. Keeps trying to herd people toward wherever you’ve gone.” A small smile tugs at his lips. “Patricia’s notes have gotten increasingly frantic too.”
Despite everything, I feel my mouth twitch. “Even her shadows are calling me out for being an idiot.”
“They know what she needs better than she does sometimes.” Aspen stands, brushing dirt from his pants. “The question is whether you’re going to keep running from what you helped create, or if you’re finally going to show up for it.”
And then he’s gone, leaving me alone with Bob and the echo of words that feel like absolution and damnation all at once.
Chapter 43
Kaia
Kaia
I wake to gray light and the weight of my own choices.
Malrik's arm is still draped across my waist, his breathing deep and even against my hair. The lake laps gently at the shore below us, and my shadows drift nearby, quiet but alert—watchful, as if waiting.
But I'm not.
With the magic settled and our bond humming warm and solid in my chest, the guilt hits like a sucker punch to the ribs. Not about Malrik. Never about Malrik. But about what came before. About what's still unresolved.
About Finn.
I dress silently in the pre-dawn darkness, careful not to wake him. My shadows stir at my feet, sensing my tension, but Iwave them back. I need space. Need to think without anyone watching, without the weight of their concern crawling under my skin.
I slip from camp before anyone stirs, taking Enif and riding toward the head of our column where the scouts range ahead. The rhythmic beat of her hooves helps quiet the storm in my head, but it doesn't silence Callum's words.
You were never supposed to choose him. You were supposed to need him.
My stomach twists into knots. The bond with Darian that I've been fighting, denying, trying to bury beneath the others—it pulses like an infected wound, demanding attention I don't want to give it.
