As much as we wanted to make the library accessible, bills had to be paid. And our members didn’t mind because we’d sold out of passes for the next week.
Yep, the library was thriving. And so was I. The past two and a half weeks had been a whirlwind. I’d been writing every day and had almost finished the first outline draft.
My new desk and laptop definitely helped. Ben had given me a key so I could go to the flat on my lunch break or whenever I wanted to write. And if I needed to stay up late to get more words down, he didn’t mind either.
Ben joked that he could fall asleep standing in front of a tree and he was right, because even with the sound of me typing, he went out like a light as soon as his head hit the pillow.
As well as being busy writing, plus promoting the bar opening and future retreats, I’d been putting the finishing touches to the wedding prep. I couldn’t believe that Jess and Theo would be getting hitched on Sunday, which was just three days away.
Time really did fly.
I hadn’t spoken to Ben yet about his plans, but I didn’t need to. Every day we grew closer. The fact that he’d gone to all that trouble to set up the desk for me spoke volumes. He’d invited me to leave some clothes and stuff there too, which again, wasn’t something you did for a fuckbuddy.
And it didn’t feel like just sex anymore. As cheesy as it sounded, it felt deeper. Likemaking love.
Ben’s surprise was also ready for him. I’d been thinking about when to reveal it and decided that after the wedding would be good. Although he said he’d been enjoying helping out with the prep, I knew that the day might stir up some painful emotions. So hopefully the surprise would lift his spirits.
Things were going so well that it felt a bit silly to even mention the possibility of him leaving when it was clear he would stay. After all, he felt the same way I did. I saw it in the way that he looked at me. His actions spoke much louder than his words ever could.
Yeah.
For once, I wasn’t going to stress.
Everything was going to be great.
I was sure of it.
64
BEN
‘What are you doing tonight?’ I poked my head around the office door where Sarah was working.
‘Um, I was going to post some more content from the bar opening, finish wrapping the wedding favours, then do some more writing, why?’
‘Okay, no worries,’ I said.
‘No, no. Tell me!’
‘Well, I was just going to organise a special evening for us in the library.’
‘Sounds cool! How about we do something around ten-ish? Then I could do more writing, social media and just finish the final wedding prep tomorrow.’
‘Perfect!’ I smiled. ‘See you later.’
As I closed the door and walked down the corridor, my chest tightened. Whilst this would be a special evening, what Sarah didn’t know was that it was also a goodbye.
For weeks I’d wanted to talk to her about the fact that I was leaving.
I’d contemplated doing it on the day that I showed her the desk. But she was so happy I didn’t want to upset her. I washappy too. Relieved that she liked it. That was the first time I’d made something that big for someone as a gift and I’d enjoyed every second. Perhaps what made it extra special was knowing that it would help Sarah. It’d be great to do more carpentry at some point.
Since that day, there’d been other times I’d thought of discussing the elephant in the room, but I’d always found a reason not to. My excuses ranged from not wanting to distract her from her writing when she was making good progress, to worrying about taking her away from focusing on promoting the book bar. There just never seemed to be a good time.
But it was now Friday. Tomorrow we’d all be busy running around tying up loose ends for the wedding. Sarah would be staying at Jess’s to help her get ready on Sunday morning, and Theo would be staying with me. There was no way I could break the news on Theo and Jess’s wedding day, so realistically this was the last opportunity because on Monday morning I’d be leaving. For good.
Telling Theo yesterday had gone surprisingly well. In fact, he’d seemed so nonchalant that I’d had to double-check that he’d actually heard me.
‘You said you’re leaving,’ Theo had confirmed.
