I wanted to push, to beg Hikaru to tell me what happened, what upset him so much. And yet, I held my silence. Badgering him for the truth was what I needed, not what Hikaru needed. And so, I stood there, rocking the being that had filled my world with light and joy, praying to Gaia that I could do the same for him.
Running my fingers through his luscious hair, I pressed Hikaru’s head to my chest, soothing him the best I could. “I loveyou,” I whispered against the crown of his head. “Nothing you say could ever change that.”
A choked sob broke free.Sadness, I quietly thought. Hikaru wasn’t terrified so much as devastated. The tears came, soaking my shirt and cooling my skin. Hikaru cried so hard I was afraid he couldn’t breathe. “I’ve got you,” I mumbled. “I’m not letting you go.” Hikaru desperately clung to me. His tails wrapped around me, encasing me with warmth.
“Promise.” That single, solitarily heartbreaking word worked its way through his waning sobs.
“On Gaia’s very name.” I felt the magical contract snap into place. One did not make such a promise lightly.
Sucking in a deep breath, Hikaru pulled away, just far enough to move his face off my chest. “Ugh, I made a mess of you. You’re all wet with my snot.”
“I’m getting used to cleaning up your messes. This is nothing.”
A sweet, gentle smile tugged Hikaru’s lips. “Yeah?” He patted my chest with a clawed hand before his lips softened into a frown. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“For falling apart.”
Hikaru slumped and I picked him up, cradling his ass in my hands, his tails draped over my arms as I made my way to the couch, settling us both upon its soft cushions. “You can fall apart on me anytime you need to.” I kissed his forehead. “I simply hope that need isn’t too great, for your sake, not mine.”
“You’re very sweet, Niki.”
I scoffed. “Don’t tell anyone. It will undoubtedly ruin my reputation. Besides, I am only sweet to you.”
“And your son. And Cilla.”
“Yes, well…they are exceptions to the rule.” I wasn’t willing to admit that I wassweetas a general rule.
Hikaru chuckled softly, his gaze focused on the buttons of my shirt-turned-hanky. Picking at one of the buttons, Hikaru finally hinted at what had gutted him. “I spoke with Keir.”
I stiffened. “I’m aware. Do I need to do bodily harm to the gryphon for upsetting you?”
Hikaru’s smile was fleeting. “No. Keir’s got enough on his hands, he doesn’t need to add an overprotective warlock to the mix. Besides, it’s not his fault. If anything, I feel bad for Keir. I’ve got a feeling he’s got a long life ahead of him filled with apologizing for Tenzen Huxley’s grievances. I just happen to be early on that list.”
My hands slid to Hikaru’s hips, holding him steady as he slowly undid my shirt buttons. “You learned something new?” Known revelations were already damning enough. I couldn’t imagine what new information Keir had found.
Hikaru’s slow head nod was all I thought I’d get until he quietly said, “Keir thinks Tenzen stole me.”
My brain momentarily blanked. “Stole you?” What did that mean?
“From Inari, when I was a kit.”
My frazzled mind played that over a couple of times before the puzzle pieces slotted together, creating a horrifically heartbreaking picture. Hikaru had told me Inari abandoned him, that Tenzen had found and saved him. Why had I never thought to question that? “How sure is Keir?”
Hikaru shrugged. “About ninety-five percent.”
“Gaia.” I rested my forehead on Hikaru’s. “How?” Hikaru spent the next few minutes relaying what Keir told him. All the while, my rage grew. Burying Huxley deep underground should have put an end to the damage the shadow borne could do. Instead, it had opened a Pandora’s box of ills. It was as if Huxley was reaching out from his sleeping grave to continue inflicting harm on those I loved.
“I don’t know what to do with that,” Hikaru said. “I mean…it’s on me too. I never once tried to reach out to Inari. I?—”
“This isnotyour fault.” I hated how Hikaru seemed to keep finding ways to blame himself instead of Huxley. “You were a child.” Or the kitsune equivalent of it.
“But I’m not a kit anymore.” Tilting his head back, Hikaru’s green-gold eyes shimmered within his red, puffy eyelids. “What do I do, Niki?” Hikaru licked his lips. “Keir offered to try and contact Inari for me, but I don’t know if that’s what I should do or… I don’t want to be disappointed again.”
“Disappointed? How?”
“What if…what if Inari doesn’t want me? What if I’m not good enough, if they consider me tainted goods? It’s been centuries and?—”
