My fingers tightened on my own teacup. Afraid I might break it, I set the cup back on the table. My tails flicked. We were finally getting to the reason why Keir asked me to ‘pop in.’
“I found something.”
My mind blanked for a second before I asked, “Something of Tenzen’s?” That was what made the most sense given Keir was on an all-out hunt trying to find what Tenzen left behind. Keir nodded and I asked, “Something dangerous?”
He hesitated before shaking his head. “No. Not the way you’re thinking. What I found was research—books and notes…about kitsune.” Keir swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing.
I tilted my head, contemplating why Keir was so upset. “That makes sense. I was just a one-tailed pup when Tenzen found me. He’d do research to see what I needed.” Now that I understood Tenzen’s true purpose for keeping me, for feeding and caring for me, that research held a different meaning. I liked to think that when Tenzen first found me, before he knew what my tails meant, that he’d simply investigated out of a desire to keep me safe. Maybe things had at least started out kindly.
Keir blew that naïve image out of the water. “The information I found was gathered and dated before you came to the compound.”
I stared, my eyes painfully drying before I gave a slow, equally uncomfortable blink. “Be-fore? I don’t…” I started to say,understand, but was that true?
Shifting forward, Keir reached out, clasping my hands between his. “I don’t know for certain, Hikaru, but I think…I think maybe, that the story Tenzen told you wasn’t accurate.” Keir flinched. “That’s putting it too kindly. I think Tenzen lied. He knew about kitsune before you came to us. He researched them and I can tell you, after reading his notes, that his research focused on your tails. He knew they held magic, that they could be harvested and?—”
“Stop!” I jumped to my feet, yanking my hands from Keir’s. Pacing, my tails flicked wildly behind me. Every part of me was agitated as my mind spun. My heart pounded and I had to bend over, hands planted on my thighs as I took great, heaving gulps of air. I jerked when Keir’s palm landed on my shoulder, gently rubbing.
“I’m sorry, Hikaru. You have no idea how very sorry I am.”
But I did. Keir wasn’t responsible for Tenzen’s actions. He was the one left holding the mop, trying to clean up the mess Tenzen had left behind. My background was just another pile of garbage that needed attention.
“He—” I wheezed. “What are you saying, Keir?” My brain knew. My heart was having trouble accepting it.
“You weren’t abandoned. Inari didn’t turn their back on you. Tenzen took you. He stole you and then lied about it, just as he lied about everything else.” The sorrow in Keir’s voice riveled the pain piercing my chest.
“But you don’t know that. Not for certain.” I could still have been abandoned. Tenzen might have just been looking for an opportunity.
“No. Not a hundred percent, but I’m ninety-five percent certain.”
My head snapped up, eyes wide. “That’s pretty damn sure. Why?”
Keir’s shoulders slumped and his hand fell away from my shoulder. “Much of Tenzen’s notes regarded speculation on how toacquirea kitsune infant. He… Tenzen knew that Inari cherished their fox creations. Tenzen knew Inari would not be so careless to give one up, or casuallyloseone. Inari certainly wouldn’t have simply walked away.”
My mouth slipped open, gaping like a fish. I’d been fed the same story all my life, that Inari abandoned me and Tenzen saved me. Had it not been for Tenzen, I would have died before my second tail had a chance to sprout. I’d been so certain that I didn’t want anything to do with my creator. I hadn’t bothered looking anything up or trying to contact them. After all, if they didn’t want me, then why would I want them?
But now…had Tenzen really, what? Kidnapped me? Stolen me? Were those two things one and the same? How could he keep me hidden from Inari for all these years? I asked just that, “How?—”
“How did he keep Inari from you?” Keir rightly guessed. At my nod, Keir’s cheeks flushed crimson, not from embarrassment, but rage. “He faked your death. Tenzen’s notes are clear. The only way to keep Inari from searching for you would be to make the deity believe you were deceased.” Keir shook his head. “Before you ask, I’m not certain how he did that, but Tenzen’s notes make it clear that was his plan.”
My legs shook as I made my way back to the cushioned ottoman. My tails were unusually calm, as if they didn’t know what to make of the situation either. “Inari thinks I’m dead?”
“I believe so.” Moving around the room, Keir sat back down too. This time, he didn’t reach for my hands. “I considered contacting them, but I wanted to speak with you first. As much as I want to fix this for you, this isn’t my call. It’s yours.”
My mind felt fractured and blank. I didn’t know what to do. It was all too much. “I need Niki.”
“Then go to him. I’ll be here if you have more questions.”
I couldn’t be bothered by farewells or gratitude, not that I knew if I was grateful yet or not. All I could do was concentrate on Niki. Between one second and the next, I was back in Niki’s living room. My warlock was still on the phone, but he took one look at me and said, “Lydia, I need to go.” I don’t think he waited for an answer before he ended the call, laid his phone on a nearby table, and came to me. “What happened?”
Niki didn’t wait for my answer. He wrapped me in his strong, steady arms and tucked me under his chin. I was shivering so hard that I rocked us both. Niki didn’t seem to mind. He didn’t press for answers either. My warlock just held me, swaying with my quivering and refusing to let me go. It was everything I never knew I needed. It was the one thing I would never let go of.
Thirty-Two
Nikodemus
What happened? Hikaru sounded fine when he left earlier. He’d whispered in my ear, planted a wet, sloppy kiss on my cheek (just to annoy me), and he’d dissipated to Keir’s. What had that gryphon done to upset my one and only? Whatever it was, I would make Keir pay. No one was allowed to upset Hikaru this way. Gaia, he was shaking so hard my body trembled in time with his.
There were no tears. I half thought it would be better if there were. I wasn’t certain if Hikaru was frightened or sad. Maybe both? Either way, the situation was unacceptable. How could I fix what was wrong when I didn’t understand what the problem was?
