Joanie’s ears pricked up and she was on high alert. She swung herself forwards. ‘Aguy? Tell me!’
‘Yeeees…’ Lorelai said slowly.
‘As in a man? A male human being who has caught your attention enough for you to mention him to me in casual conversation.’
‘Let’s not read too much into it, shall we?’ Lorelai sighed, already regretting mentioning Grayson. Joanie was going to turn this into a huge deal, she could feel it.
‘Er,sure, OK.’ Joanie’s voice was heavy with sarcasm. ‘Lollie. My dearest Lorelai. You’re twenty-five and you haven’t kissedanyone since you were eighteen. And this is the first time I’ve heard you mention a man since we’ve been living together.’
‘No it isn’t!’Surely that’s not right?
‘It is! You haven’t mentioned anyone. Not even once. And moaning about Riggs or talking about your dad’s allotment doesn’t count. I mean a romantic prospect. Someone who you go to sleep thinking of—’
‘This isn’t that,’ Lorelai protested weakly.
Joanie’s voice became gentle. ‘It’s me, Lollie. I know about your… situation.’
Joanie was the only person that knew about her reasons for not letting anyone get close to her. Not even her parents had been trusted with the knowledge, despite their worrying. The only reason Joanie knew was because she had painted her into a corner on a morning much like this one, and the only way to make her incessant questions stop was to answer them. It had taken a surprisingly small amount of convincing to make Joanie believe what Lorelai was telling her. She smiled at the memory, grateful that she was able to be honest with at least one person. Would Grayson react in the same way, or would he push her away?Why am I even thinking that?!
‘I totally understand that things are different for you but… are you sure there’s no one out there for you? There’s no one worth the inconvenience?’
‘It’s a bit more than an inconvenience, Joanie.’
‘I know, I know. I didn’t mean to belittle your, erm…’
‘My condition.’ This was the word Lorelai used to describe her secret.
‘I just worry that you’re condemning yourself to a life ofloneliness when there might be someone out there who’s willing to understand. To battle through it with you. If you just took a leap of faith and trusted someone.’ Joanie’s eyes became soft and sad. Lorelai had to look away.
Lorelai often thought about the life she was creating for herself. A life with no one by her side, a life lacking intimacy and passion. She told herself she was OK with it, because she had to be, and most of the time she really was fine. But there were other times when she wanted nothing more than someone to come home to, to share her life with, but the idea of opening herself up to someone so completely terrified her. It was better for her to be alone.
‘Trusting someone isn’t on the cards for me,’ Lorelai said. ‘You know that.’
‘And you’re certain there’s not one single person who’s worth it? This guy from your club seems to have turned your head. No one’s ever done that before. That’s pretty significant, if you ask me.’ Joanie raised an eyebrow.
‘I’ve only met him once.’ Lorelai couldn’t stop her smile, and she felt her cheeks begin to flush.
‘And yet here we are talking about him,’ Joanie said matter-of-factly. She took a sip of her water and gave Lorelai the side-eye.
‘This could hardly be called talking about him. I’ve not even told you his name.’
‘And aren’t you justdyingto tell me?’ Joanie said, nudging Lorelai with her foot.
‘Nope, not at all. Anyway, I’ll probably never see him again. I made a terrible impression and he probably thought I was a total bitch. I was really rude, and why would he give me a second chance—’
‘A second chance!’ Joanie exclaimed. ‘Youdolike him! Lollie has a crush! Lollie has a crush!’
‘Lollie’s gonna be sick…’
Lorelai bolted to the bathroom, making it just in time to throw up the water and the remnants of last night’s alcohol.It’s the booze that made me vomit, Lorelai reassured herself.That’s all.
‘So even the mere thought of getting close to someone sends you hurtling to the toilet bowl?’ Joanie appeared in the doorway, arms folded.
Lorelai groaned. ‘It was the booze.’
‘No it wasn’t.’ Joanie’s voice was firm.
‘This can’t happen, Joanie. Just let it be the booze. Please.’
