‘But then it… flickered. Like strobe lighting. Between the images of… that…’ Lorelai said, not wanting to say those words again, ‘and images of an old man in bed having a heart attack. He died in the middle of the night. It must have been Riggs when he’s older. His skin was leathery and tanned, as though he’d spent too much time in the sun.’ Lorelai paused again. ‘He looked like he’d lived a really good life up until that point.’
‘Has that happened before? With the other people you’ve kissed. Did what you see, the images, did they change in the middle of things?’
‘No.’
‘Why did it all change, do you think?’ Joanie looked thoughtful, and then her eyebrows shot up as something hit her. ‘Oh mygod, do you think it was you? Do you think your kisschangedhis future?’
‘No way,’ Lorelai said instinctively, but something in her brain faltered.
‘But your visions of the future began to change mid-kiss.’
‘Oh my god.’
‘I’m right, aren’t I? Aren’t I right?!’
‘Maybe. But I don’t see how I could’ve done this.’ Lorelai’s brain was racing a million miles an hour but she couldn’t grasp onto anything solid. Nothing was sticking. She massaged her temples and took some deep breaths, hoping that everything would slow down so she could think straight.
‘You said it yourself. You have no idea how this, whatever it is, works.’ Joanie stood and began to pace. ‘You thought that kissing someone sealed their fate and they had no way out, but what if whatever you see is their fate regardless of your kiss, and you just see it. You don’t influence it; you’re just an innocent spectator?’
‘OK…’ Lorelai nodded, trying to follow.
‘What if, when it comes to someone you know, someone who loves you, a kiss is more than just a kiss. Riggs said he thought you were coming on to him, right? So, a kiss from you was more than just a kiss. It was hope. You gave him hope for a better future, Lorelai. That’s why the images changed! He was on a path of self-destruction but then you showed him some kindness and kissed him—’
‘He kissed me,’ Lorelai corrected.
‘I know, I know, but you heard him! He thought you were coming on to him. He thought it was mutual and that madehim think maybe life was worth living, after all. Maybe you and your kisssavedhim.’
Joanie’s words hung in the air, and Lorelai’s mind, finally, stopped spinning. She’d spent so long believing that she may have killed those boys, Thomas and Arthur. Believing that whoever she kissed would die because of her. But the truth was that she didn’t know enough about what she could do, that everything she thought she knew was based on theory and speculation. It was time to stop running away; she couldn’t ignore it any longer. If she had been the one to change Riggs’s future, then she needed to know that for certain. She needed to be more prepared, so it was time to understand whether her kisses influenced someone’s future or not. Did she have the kiss of death?
Joanie’s theory made so much sense. Lorelai couldn’t see how it could be any other way. Riggs was in a bad way when they had come home and found him. Being jobless and homeless would send anyone into a downward spiral but being jobless and homeless because your own father kicked you out of the house and fired you from your job… it was a lot to cope with.
‘Riggs must have been feeling so desperate. He couldn’t see any other way out, could he?’ Lorelai’s voice cracked.
‘No, I don’t think he could. Until he kissed you. I’m not saying he should have kissed you. That was presumptuous and the actions of a stupid man, and it shouldn’t be excused. But knowing the little that we do about your kisses, the sweetness to the bitter pill is that you may have just saved Riggs’s life by showing him some kindness when he needed it the most.’
Lorelai let Joanie’s words sink in. Could she be right? Itdidmake sense, but if that was the case then Joanie had been rightabout something else too. She had been right when she had suggested that Lorelai needed a deeper understanding of what she could do if she was to live her life to the full. Whether it was a gift or a curse, understanding it was a step she needed to take.
‘Fuck,’ Lorelai said with a sigh. The thought of what came next was daunting.
‘Yeah, I know. Amazing, right?’ Joanie grinned.
Lorelai allowed herself a wry smile. ‘As much as Ihateto admit it, you’re right. I do need to figure out what’s wrong with me.’
Joanie rolled her eyes. ‘What’swrongwith you?! There’s nothing wrong with you! Lorelai, this could be the best thing that ever happened to you! We don’t know!’
‘Exactly. We don’t know. It could also be a lot worse than we think, so—’
‘So… what? The default is pessimistic defeatism?’ Joanie folded her arms across her chest.
‘That’s my default, yeah. You can be as annoyingly positive as you like but there’s something else on my mind.’ Lorelai adjusted herself on the bed and Joanie sat by her. ‘We went pretty off the handle after what happened. What if we undid everything? What if we made everything worse and his fate went back to what it was before?’
Joanie’s eyes went wide. ‘Oh god. Can that happen?’
‘I don’t know! But surely if a fate can change mid-kiss to something more positive it’s going to be the same the other way around, right?’ They both looked at each other, unblinking.
‘I’m going to go check on him.’ Joanie scrambled off the bed.
‘Be nice.’
