‘Of course but surely… I mean… surely there’s a way around it? Like… I don’t know, kissing an animal?’
‘That’s still pretty cruel, Joanie. I’ll have the RSPCA coming after me.’
‘But less cruel than killing a person? A person who might be destined to cure world hunger? A hamster’s not going to do that.’
‘Are you suggesting I kiss a hamster?’ Lorelai laughed but when Joanie shrugged she realised she was serious.
‘Not specifically a hamster. You can pick a different animal if you’re that fussy.’
‘I’m going to regret telling you about this, aren’t I? I should have found someone who would have had a little more to say than, “Why not kiss a hamster?”’ Despite Lorelai genuinely wondering if telling Joanie was a bad idea or not, she smiled affectionately at her friend, who was now the only other person in the world who knew.
‘Would you settle for a guinea pig?’ Joanie asked.
Lorelai began to laugh hysterically, and she couldn’t be sure if it was because of Joanie’s idea, or because of the sheer relief of finally talking about her secret so openly.
‘Ooh! Ooh! DO ME! DO ME!’ Joanie threw herself at Lorelai, her lips puckered.
‘What?!’ Lorelai shrieked as Joanie barrelled into her, knocking her backwards onto the sofa.
‘I want to know how I’m going to die!’ Joanie made kissing noises as Lorelai pushed her away by the shoulders.
‘Are you crazy?’ Lorelai laughed. ‘First of all, this is very aggressive. Is this how you ask all women to kiss you, because this is a lot.’ Lorelai shoved her back onto the sofa where Joanie flopped and pouted. ‘Secondly, I’d rather not be the one to seal your fate and cause your death. And finally… why? Why on earth would you ever want to know how you were going to die?’
‘Because then I’d know I was invincible through everythingelse! Please, please, please, please.’ Joanie clasped her hands together in prayer.
‘I don’t think that’s how it works.’ Lorelai’s stomach flipped and her voice cracked.
‘Howdoesit work, then? I want to know everything.Youneed to know everything.’ Joanie must have sensed the change in atmosphere because she shook off the pout and reached for Lorelai’s hands. She interlaced her fingers with Lorelai’s and squeezed.
The relief Lorelai had felt a moment before disappeared. Joanie was right – she did need to know more. She knew very little about what she could do, but the truth was she wasn’t sure if she wanted to know any more than that. And where would she even start looking for those answers?
Eleven
Riggs settled down on the sofa under a thick blanket and was soon snoring. Joanie dragged Lorelai into her bedroom and as soon as the door was closed behind them, the barrage of questions began.
‘Are you alright? What was hethinking?! Did he get you? Did hekissyou? Was it horrible? Not the kiss. Actually, was the kiss horrible? Was what you saw worse?’
Joanie flung herself at Lorelai and wrapped her arms tightly around her friend, stroking her hair with such tenderness that Lorelai started to cry again. The affection was more than Lorelai was accustomed to, but it was moments like this that made her grateful that she had trusted Joanie with her secret.
‘Joanie! Joanie. I’m OK,’ she said between her sobs. ‘I mean, I’m not OK but I’m… fine. It wasn’t that bad.’ Joanie went still and quiet for a noticeable moment. ‘You can ask about it if you want.’
‘Oh, good,’ Joanie said, relieved. She pulled back and looked Lorelai in the eye. ‘How does he go? I need to know everything. Is it horrible? Is it peaceful? Is it soon?’
‘Joanie! Would you relax?! You’re meant to be calming me down, not the other way around!’
‘Sorry.’ With her fingers outstretched, Joanie swept her hands down in front of her face, closed her eyes and took a deep breath. ‘First question. How?’
‘I don’t know. It kept changing.’ Lorelai tried to understand what she had seen but it had been so unusual.
‘What do you mean? Is that normal?’
‘At first it was bad. Really bad. I think… I think he was taking his own life.’
Joanie gasped and threw her hands over her mouth. Joanie and Riggs weren’t close, but she would never wish him any harm.
‘I can’t be certain but that’s definitely what it looked like. He looked young, too. Exactly how he looks now and there were lots of whisky bottles and pills but then…’ Lorelai’s voice trailed off as she struggled to make sense of it all.
‘What?’
