Does my breath smell? Do I look OK? Do I have popcorn stuck to my face? Why do I care so much? You’re not meant to care this much!
‘Signs? And fate and destiny? That kind of thing?’ Grayson shrugged. ‘I think we make our own luck.’
‘Is that code for you saying it’s not a coincidence you’re here? Did you follow me to the station from work or something?’ she joked.
Why do I kind of wish he had? You’re losing it, Lorelai.
‘Of course not! But I did figure out our shifts must end around the same time so I kind of hoped I’d bump into you on the way home at some point.’
The end of the escalator was nearing and Lorelai found herself hoping that they would be travelling the same way but as they stepped off the silver steps he edged left towards the Piccadilly line, and she needed to go right.
‘I’m headed this way.’ She nodded towards the old, paintchipped sign of an arrow. How many thousands of people had said goodbye and parted ways in this exact spot?
‘Ah, OK.’ Grayson’s shoulders deflated slightly. ‘Will you be alright getting home?’ he asked, his gaze heavy on her face.
‘I’ll be fine,’ she said, frowning.
‘What is it?’
‘I’ve just… I dunno. Never had anyone ask me that, I guess.’
‘Well, now you have. See you soon?’
Grayson put a hand on her shoulder, leaned in and kissed her cheek softly. It was only a polite peck, his lips a momentary pressure on her skin, but the warmth of him pressed into her entire being and Lorelai felt weak under his touch. The people around them melted away. Her heartbeat pounded loudly in her ears, and she was painfully aware that his lips were mere inches away from hers.
And just like that he pulled back, and was waving goodbye as he walked away.
‘See you soon!’ she called. She watched him get smaller until he was swept away by the crowds. When he was out of sight, Lorelai touched her cheek, closed her eyes, and wished she didn’t feel what she so clearly felt.
Six
The nightmares were getting worse. Lorelai splashed her face with water and looked at her reflection in the bathroom mirror. Tonight’s was inexplicable, full of confusing images of Thomas and Arthur, but Grayson too. It made no sense. Wearily, she made her way to the kitchen, hoping some writing would help calm her mind, but she was surprised to see the kitchen light already ablaze.
‘What do you think you’re doing?’ Lorelai demanded.
After a nightmare, Lorelai found peace at the kitchen table where she would be undisturbed and could focus on something to help push away the disturbing images in her head. To find Riggs in the kitchen interrupting her quiet time instantly put her on edge again but seeing him thumbing through her notebook made her downright mad.
Riggs dropped her notebook onto the table as if it had suddenly burst into flames. ‘Nothing! Just a bit of reading. It’s very good!’ He was babbling, wrong-footed.
‘Give me that.’ Lorelai snatched her notebook up and hugged it tightly to her chest, feeling suddenly exposed.
‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to…’ Riggs’s voice faded away.
‘You’re here as a guest. You shouldn’t be looking through my private things.’
‘You’re right. I’m sorry,’ Riggs said sheepishly. ‘But in my defence, it was just lying there on the table. I didn’t know what it was until I started reading it. And then I couldn’t put it down. You weren’t meant to know I’d read it.’
‘So, you’re just sorry you got caught?’ Lorelai snapped. She needed to distract herself so she started making coffee.
‘I’d be way sorrier if what I’d read was terrible. But I liked it. You’re actually a pretty good writer.’ When Lorelai didn’t say anything, Riggs tried again. ‘Look, I promise I wasn’t snooping. Forgive me?’
Lorelai felt herself thawing. Shehadleft the notebook out, and she couldn’t deny she’d felt a jolt of pride when Riggs had said he’d enjoyed her writing. She retrieved two mugs from the cupboard, and poured them both a coffee, her silent acceptance of Riggs’s apology.
‘Why’re you even up, anyway?’
‘Why areyouup?’ Riggs countered.
Violent images flashed through her mind. Names screamed in terror. Blood. The crunch of metal. Lorelai swallowed and smiled brightly.
