How am I supposed to handle all of this?
No plan, no ideas. I do not even have the hundred-dollar bill I was counting on.
So, starting everything from scratch? Finding a job, trying to earn some money to get out of this city. And yet here… damn it.
My mind whispers to me, as if from behind some mental barrier, that here I would have a ready-made chance at everything. Not just a relationship with someone potentially perfect for me, but also a place to live, somewhere to stay, maybe even a chance at a family?
Damn it. Where are these doubts coming from? Am I really starting to think this could work for me?
No. No, no.
I shake my head. This is madness. Two hours ago, the very thought of something like this would have seemed ridiculous to me. Ideas straight out of a play written by some drunk lunatic.
Head tilted back, I close my eyes and picture Salt’s hostile, arrogant face.
I cannot deny that he is attractive, with those sharp, clean features and well-shaped lips. But is physical attraction enough? I have never liked mouthy, aggressive types. I used to picture a calm, gentle omega for myself, someone I could give love and tenderness to, someone who trulywanted toreceive it.
And what about all my quiet dreams of settling down somewhere and having a regular job, ideally as a journalist? Of living a peaceful life in a small suburban house, surrounded bya handful of kids? Of finding joy in simple, everyday moments? Of spending my life in a world free from violence, crime, and constant threat?
Is that even possible for me? Coming from a mafia family, I am marked by that stigma. Will I always be in danger, with Rocco possibly looking for me? Can I really hide at all?
Suddenly it occurs to me that a closed Beta Activation facility might not be such a stupid idea after all. They provide long-term isolation from the outside world. It would certainly be thelast placeon earth Rocco would look for me. After all, Anzo filled us with hatred and distrust toward that program over the last two years.
Theoretically, it could be the perfect hiding place. If I stayed there long enough, maybe Rocco would give up and lose hope of ever finding me. Two years in a place like that would greatly improve my chances. Maybe the bastard would assume I had left the country altogether?
All of a sudden, everything in my mind starts to click into a neat whole. It makes sense, damn it.
Did Fate put this in front of me as an opportunity?
Even if Salt and I are not True Mates, what does that change? I would live with an attractive guy, have a free room, free food, and maybe even some sex. The last part is very tempting. In the fortress, I did not want to get involved with anyone. I had nothing to offer a potential partner except the risk that somewhere in a corridor of the fortress, Rocco would catch him and rape him, believing he had the right to every omega on mafia territory.
But now, out here, maybe I could discover new aspects of myself, test what I want, and what I don’t. Even if the program fails, even if nothing comes of it, I would leave with new experience.
Pros and cons weighed?
Okay.
Alrighty.
But what am I supposed to do now, just go back and make a fool out of myself?
Maybe I should wait at least a few hours.
But then a sudden anxiety grips me.
What if some pervert shows up and buys Salt’s contract?
Fine. I will make a fool of myself.
???
The guards at the gate let me through without any trouble when I show them the ticket Damien gave me. I know the way, so I head toward the small office where I spoke with Storm before.
Right by the door, though, something stops me. I hear voices raised in an argument coming from inside. I bend slightly and listen. I manage to recognize Mr. Gessler’s voice and Storm’s, but it is hard to catch specific words. Still, the longer I listen, the more I think I hear phrases like "this absolutely won’t fly" and "I’m not going to push this through the verification committee." A moment later, I hear footsteps, so I turn around quickly and instinctively move away from the door to avoid being seen.
Mr. Gessler steps out and heads back toward the beta section.
Luckily, he does not notice me. I hesitate for a moment, shifting my weight from one foot to the other and biting my lip, but in the end I decide to knock anyway.
