"Whoa! Wait. Stop," I cut into their discussion. "Is anyone even asking me what I think? Whether I am interested not only in a relationship with a murderer, but also in being dragged into some bizarre, borderline experimental scientific program and locked up in some facility?"
I stand up decisively.
This is all too insane, sounding like the plot of a science fiction movie, and I have no intention of getting myself tangled up in this.
"This is really too much for me. Also, my name has to remain hidden because of my ties to a certain… criminal family. I can’t guarantee Salt’s safety around me. People may be after me. I am honestly a terrible candidate, the worst possible one."
As I say this, I start edging sideways toward the door, trying not to draw Storm’s attention with the movement.
Mr. Gessler studies me thoughtfully, then says, "It would make a difference if you truly were his TM, but the situation is murky. You should know that with betas and alphas, a fated bond is difficult to confirm. Often even the First Orgasm causes no reaction at all, and clarity may come only after many months."
"That is exactly my point!" I say, almost like adding an exclamation mark. "This all feels like guesswork, and I am not in a place where I can commit to something like this."
To be fair, I know a lot about the Beta Activation program. After all, Anzo hated it so much, he used to go on those long rants about it.
Perhaps out of sheer contrariness, I do not hold a negative view of the BA. Let betas decide for themselves if they want to join it; it is not my concern. But that is beside the point; I haveseveral other reasons not to feel any temptation to participate in the program.
Storm makes one final attempt to stop me. "There are more benefits to entering this program, Eliano!"
But I am already close to the door, even though I feel a strange tightness in my stomach.
"I am sorry, but I have to refuse. Too many unknowns."
Mr. Gessler looks almost relieved.
Unexpectedly, the small, red-haired omega speaks up.
"Wait, please! Salt deserves a second chance! Even if he seems like a prickly hedgehog on the outside, he loved his brother more than anything and he’s fiercely loyal. He went after the people he believed had killed his brother. Before that, he had never been in trouble with the law. He acted out of grief and anger. They were both orphans, they only had each other. Salt worked every day at a tattoo studio. He’s not some career criminal or a drug addict. He’s healthy, young, and his whole life is still ahead of him."
I press my lips together slightly. It sounds tragic, and I do feel sympathy for him, but I simply don’t think this is the right point in my life to get involved.
"I truly wish him success and hope he finds someone who will give him a chance, but that someone is not me. You do not understand my situation. Four days ago, I escaped from hell," I cut myself off, unwilling to go into details in front of Mr. Gessler. "Before that, I fought in underground cages. My life was full of risk and violence. What I am looking for now is a bit of peace, and what you are describing does not sound like peace."
Storm stands up and says gravely, "You are making a mistake, Eliano. Your True Mate needs you. If you turn away now, someone else may buy his contract, and his life could take a bad turn. I know that right now he does not seem like your perfect partner, but for some reason, Fate placed you on eachother’s paths. Fate knows that beneath all those surface masks, there is something in you that resonates perfectly. Please, do not turn away from him."
His words send a strange shiver through me, a kind of emotional stir, almost a peculiar, piercing pain, but my hand has already closed around the handle, and I push it down. At that moment, the red-haired omega rushes up to me, holding a piece of paper.
"We will be here until the end of the fair. You can come back at any time. If Salt is still in his booth, we can finalize everything. And this," he says as he hands me a small receipt, "will allow you to reenter without paying the fee."
With some reluctance, I take the paper and then leave the room, a growing unease settling inside me.
I head toward the exit at a fast pace, trying to drown out my screaming conscience.
My head is a mess.
I pass through the crowd with my eyes down, slipping between all these people desperate for happiness, full of hope that they might find it here. But that is not why I came here. I need to pull myself together. I need to understand something about myself.
I never had the chance to live a normal life, to deal with everyday challenges, and now I am supposed to take on something this big?
My life locked inside a sick bubble, surrounded by violence. Me, trapped and forced to do things I hated, constantly coerced into something. Why would I willingly doom myself to yet another risky thing?
A wave of cold air hits me, as I step out of the building, but I barely feel it, because everything in my body is fighting, as if every muscle is tensing and resisting the will of my mind.
I cut diagonally across the huge parking lot. On the other side, there is a lawn and a small grove, and I disappear into it.
Only there, away from people, do I sink to the ground. I sit under one of the trees, lean my back against it, and close my eyes.
What am I supposed to do?
