My head falls back against the seat, a heavy sigh slipping out. I’m not sure why I drove out here this morning. I told Madison we would just be friends. I told her I would give her the space she asked for. So here I am, wanting to be close to her without being close to her. With the stack of letters sitting in the passenger seat, staring back at me like they know I’m avoiding them. Letters I still need to show Halle. Letters that I want to open with Madison by my side.
Yeah, I’m doing everything right.I roll my eyes at myself.
I stare out over the field, the colors blurring together in the breeze. It’s wild and beautiful. Everything I once wantedlife to be. But the truth is, I don’t really know how tojust liveanymore. For years, my only purpose was finding Halle and bringing her here to Sunlit Cove. Giving her the life I always dreamed of. A happy one, surrounded by people we could finally call family. A life far away from the hardship, the stares, and the secrets. A life where we wouldn’t have to fake a smile every day, where we wouldn’t have to walk on eggshells. I’ve been chasing that dream for so long that now that I have it, I don’t always know what to do with it. There’s a small part of me that believes it’s all too good to be real.
But fuck, it feels good too. Knowing my sister is here. That she’s happy. That she’s found her person and is living out her own dreams. Now I just need to figure out how to do the same. How to findmylife again. The one where I get to convince my girl that she’smy girl. The one where I stop holding back and actually start living without the shadow of the past hanging over me, the way Halle is.
A butterfly hovers in front of me, its wings bright orange, dusted with specks of blue—like blueberries. And now I’m thinking about Madison again. Wishing she were here. The ghost of her lips still lingers days later. That one drink turned into one heated kiss, and goddamn, it’s burned into my memory. Since that day, I’ve kept my word. We’re just friends. But I’m not letting her forget I’m still here. I’ve been finding every loophole she’s left open and using them to my advantage. A flicker of amusement pulls at my mouth as I glance at my phone. I reach for it, my thumb sliding across the screen, pulling up our text thread.
Me: Hi Friend.
I hit send and wait. My fingers tap against the steering wheel, a smirk playing at my lips as I think about her andwhat she’ll say back. The first time I texted her after our talk, I kept it short, half expecting her to curse me out for not acceptingjust friends.But to my surprise, she played along with it, and now every morning, I start the day the same way.Hi friend.
Some days, it ends there. Other days, she fires back, and we trade a few messages before she ghosts the thread. When we see each other at work, we pretend it never happened. No mentions. No glances that linger too long. It’s kind of thrilling, really. A game neither of us admits we’re playing. Seconds tick by. Just when I start to think today will be one of those days she doesn’t want to talk, my phone vibrates in my hand. The way my heart falls into my feet—and how fast I swipe the screen open—is honestly a little embarrassing. If the guys saw that, I’d never hear the end of it.
Madi : Hi friend
I smirk. It’s always the same reply, like we’re both pretending this is just a friendly chat. I can’t help wondering if her heart beats just as fast as mine every time she types it.
Me: I saw a butterfly with blue spots. They looked like blueberries.
Those three little dots appear… disappear… then appear again. Over and over again until I can’t take it any longer.
Me: Did I just make you speechless?
Madi : You’re so random
Me: Our spot has wildflowers did youknow that?
Madi : I didn’t. But then again we’ve never been there in the morning.
Me: You’re pretty.
Me: They’re pretty. The wild flowers. Not you.
Me: I mean fuck. No. You’re pretty too. But I meant the wildflowers.
Madi : Hunter… stop talking.
Me: Stopping now.
God, she’s not going to let me live that down any time soon. I shake my head, pinching the bridge of my nose as a laugh slips out. The butterfly returns, wings fluttering as it hovers on the other side of the window. I watch it spin in circles until my gaze catches on the letters. Feeling lighter than I have all morning—thanks to Madison—I reach for the top envelope. The paper’s edges have yellowed with time, a faint stain sits in the corner, and the ink of my name has faded from what it once was.
I trace the letters of my mom’s handwriting before flipping it over. The adhesive strip gives easily, and I pull the paper out, unfolding it with care. Taking a breath, I start to read my mom’s words.
Hunter,
I’m not sure if you’ll ever get to see these letters. I’m not sure if they’ll even make sense to you, but I find myself wanting to speak to you more and more. I know it’s not safe to call every day. It makes him mad. You know, he found me writing mylast one. I think he threw it out, but I’m going to keep trying, and one day I hope you get these.
The words blur slightly as my eyes track each line, my chest tightening. Her voice echoes between the sentences, soft, afraid, so familiar I can almost hear her whispering them. The anger that always lingers beneath my ribs starts to simmer, but I force myself to keep reading.
I failed you, my sweet boy. I failed your sister too. Your dad would be so disappointed in me. I miss him so much, you know. I miss the way he made me feel safe, the way he looked at you and Halle like his whole world was right there in front of him. He would be so proud of you. The way you’ve handled yourself, taken on the role of protecting Halle and me. The way you stepped up when I needed you the most. The day you left, the day I told you no more, that it was time to run, I saw the guilt in your eyes. I want you to know that you did the right thing. No mother wants to see her children live this life. The world is so big, so beautiful, and I need you to see it. Please, for me, don’t let the guilt of leaving us ruin you. Don’t question your choice to run. You had to because I couldn’t and I know you’ll come back for us. I know you’ll never stop fighting for your sister. I know we’ll see you soon.
I toss the paper aside, shove open the door, and stumble out of my truck. My hands find my knees as I bend forward, breathing deep, trying to steady the storm tearing through me. I want to scream. I want to shout. The guilt I buried, the guilt she spoke of, crashes over me like a tidal wave. I force myself to breathe before it drowns me. My fists clench and unclench… One. Two. Three. Four. By five, the rage begins to fade, leaving nothing but the sting in my eyes.
I straighten, blinking hard, letting my gaze sweep over the wildflowers as if I could find Madison somewhere among them, to help pull me back in. The field stretches out before me, the air thick with the scent of damp earth, and hints of vanilla and cherry floating beneath it. There’s color in every direction. My boots crunch against the soil as I step into the maze of purple, pink, orange, and blue. I kneel, gathering a handful of flowers. The petals are soft under my fingers, the morning dew still clinging to them. I pick a few more, choosing the colors I know Madison loves. When my hands are full, I stand, making my way back to the truck, the sun warm on my skin, the chaos inside my head finally starting to settle.
13
