Kairo rubbed his hands together, thinking.
“I never wanted you to feel like I didn’t want more kids because it was never that. We had plans before we found out you were pregnant with Kennedi. Real plans of figuring out who we were as adults before becoming parents.”
“You loved being Kennedi’s mom. I never questioned that. But… sometimes I felt like you hated what motherhood cost you.”
My brows pulled together.
“I felt like you carried this grief about becoming a mom so young. You sacrificed everything. Your twenties didn’t look how you wanted it to look. You were studying and building a career while rocking a baby. I watched you fight to find yourself again.”
Tears blurred my vision.
“I thought…” He exhaled, searching for the right words. “…if we had another child, you’d lose that freedom that you finally got, all over again.”
“I didn’t want you back in survival mode. Sleepless nights, breastfeeding schedules, and teaching colors and numbers while trying to rediscover who Khloe was outside of being someone’s mama.”
My lips trembled.
“I wanted you to live, to travel, to dress up, to laugh, and feel young again. You had just started coming out of that postpartum depression fog, even though neither of us wanted to call it that.”
I froze.
“I saw the exhaustion and sadness you tried to hide. I thought you wanted another baby because you were searching for purpose again,” he confessed. “And I couldn’t sit there and watch you pile more responsibility onto yourself when you were finally starting to breathe.”
I covered my mouth, sobbing. I had spent years believing he was being selfish. And all along… he had done everything to protect me.
“I thought I was helping you,” he whispered. “Not denying you.”
My shoulders shook as I placed my head in my lap crying.
“But I was wrong,” he said. “Because while I was trying to protect you… I stopped showing up for you. I got tired and instead of letting you see that… I just pulled away.”
He shook his head slowly. “The way I handled it made you feel unwanted, and I hate myself for that. You are all I’ve ever wanted, Khloe. Since we were kids. Since before we even knew what love really meant.”
My heart broke hearing it.
“I thought if I just worked a little harder… fixed a few more things… made life easier… then I’d finally have time to come back and give you everything you deserved.”
His eyes filled with tears. “But I learned that life doesn’t wait on your timing and neither does love. I planned to slow down, but by the time I got to that point.. you weren’t waiting on me anymore.”
For the first time since everything exploded, I didn’t feel like I was defending myself or preparing for another emotional blow.
Sydnee closed her notebook. “I want to talk to you both about something,” she said softly. “And it may sound simple… but it’s actually the reason most marriages either survive or collapse.”
Her eyes moved between us.
“Mind games.”
The words made my stomach tighten.
“We don’t just play mind games with other people,” she continued. “We play them with ourselves first. The mind is powerful. It protects us, comforts us, justifies us… and sometimes it lies to us.”
“You both told yourselves stories that made sense in your own heads.”
She pointed at Kairo. “You told yourself working harder meant loving your family even while pushing them away.”
Then she came to me. “And you told yourself seeking emotional connection elsewhere meant finally loving yourself.”
Neither of us spoke.
