The kiss deepened. Heavier and hungrier. It wasn’t romantic. Just… desperate. I stood, lifting her. She gasped in surprise as her arms wrapped around my shoulders, and I carried her toward the bed.
My body knew what to do, but my mind did not. We started to move clothes from each other and they disappeared between kisses. My hands were searching for closeness more than desire.
She looked beautiful. I knew she did. But the truth was… I wasn’t really seeing her. My mind kept drifting somewhere else.Back home. Back to Khloe. Back to every moment I wondered where I had failed her.
Is this what it felt like to give someone else intimacy? Is this what she was chasing?
I wasn’t there because I wanted another woman. I was there because I wanted to understand. I needed to feel something other than betrayal sitting heavy in my chest.
Kemi touched my face like I was fragile. Like I mattered. Like I wasn’t breaking. And maybe that’s what pushed me over the edge.
I lowered her onto the bed, following her down as she pulled me closer. She looked at me with complete openness.
For her, it was a release. For me… it was an escape.
I kissed her again, harder, letting instinct take control. My hands moved with urgency, my body driven by emotion more than passion.
I needed noise, movement, and pressure. Anything loud enough to drown out my thoughts. And so I gave myself over to it.
I wasn’t gentle or thoughtful. I fucked Kemi so hard that I’m sure everyone on the floor heard her cry out. It was just that intense. Every motion felt like I was trying to outrun something chasing me from the inside. The room filled with breath, tension, and heat as time blurred together.
She held onto me like she had been starving for some form of connection. Like she had waited a long time to be touched in that way. I realized she wasn’t pretending. She was fully present, open, and happy. That realization almost stopped me, but I selfishly kept fucking her anyway, chasing a feeling that refused to come. Trying to replace hurt with sensation. Trying to prove to myself that I could do what Khloe had done. Trying to understand how stepping outside love could ever feel right.
When I released, everything disappeared. My thoughts, anger, and questions. Just breath, movement, and intensity until the tension finally broke and the room fell silent except for our breathing.
We collapsed back onto the bed together, chest rising. We both stared at the ceiling while our heart slowed.
Kemi smiled softly, completely at peace. She reached for my hand, and I let her hold it. But inside… I felt nothing. No victory. No revenge. No understanding. Just an emptiness that felt deeper than before.
I don’t know how long we laid there staring at the ceiling before Kemi slowly turned onto her side to face me. I felt her eyes on me before she even spoke.
“What are you thinking about?”
“I’m scared to say.”
She studied my face. A tear slid from the corner of my eye before I could stop it. She reached up and wiped it away with her thumb.
“Tell me,” she said softly. “Are you thinking about Khloe?”
I closed my eyes. “Yes.”
There was no point in lying. She sat up slowly, reaching for her clothes off the side of the bed. I pushed myself up immediately.
“I’m sorry.”
She held her hand up to stop me. “I’m fine,” she said gently. “I promise.”
I could see it in her eyes. She wasn’t fine, but she wasn’t breaking either.
“Sit down,” she said.
I grabbed my clothes and sat on the edge of the bed like a man waiting on judgment. She dressed quietly, then came back and sat in front of me.
“I know what we just shared didn’t mean the same thing for us both,” she said.
That hurt worse than anything because she was right.
“You weren’t here with me,” she continued. “Your body was. But your mind wasn’t.”
