God, I went cold at the scenarios that filled my head considering that.
But, as she continued her tale, I continued to swallow back fear, and instead encourage her and applaud the effort. A few minutes later, we naturally turned, walking back towards the Keep, but slowly, so we wouldn’t catch up with Terra.
“She’s right,” I told Bren quietly, both of us keeping eyes behind and ahead to make certain we didn’t meet others who might overhear. “And I’m sorry I didn’t think of it. We’ll see if the queen has any other suggestions of this sort.”
Bren tensed. Our conversation grew stilted for a moment, but then I shared some of my experiences with her, and she relaxed again as our conversation warmed.
“…the very best way to extricate yourself, is to force your target to ask you to leave. Your natural humility will help in moments like this. Men may think you’re being coy, but don’t be afraid to profess that you’re overwhelmed, or embarrassed. A man who claims to be a gentleman—even if he isn’t—will be forced to encourage you to take a moment, or visit the retiring room…”
She listened, avid, asking intelligent questions—and proving that she did, indeed, understand the risks, which was a relief to my heart. But also a pain. Because the more I offered, the more enthusiastic she became.
But even though every fiber in me screamed to tuck her under my arm and keep her away from these assholes, I couldn’t stop offering her tips and instructions. Because she was sothrilled.
“Thank you, Donavyn,” she said, leaning in, then pulling away when she remembered that we had to be careful out here. “Thank you. This is exactly the kind of insight I need.”
“You’re going to be amazing, Bren,” I said sincerely. “Don’t let the training discourage you. Your instincts are good—just remember to listen to them. If you ever feel uncertain or nervous about how anyone regards you, or their intentions, listen to that, even if you have no evidence to affirm it. It is a mercy of God that He gives us insight about those who would choose ill for us.”
I didn’t want her ill. Or hurt. At all.
But I kept hearing Kgosi’s voice, as if it echoed from unseen rafters.
Be her leader, Donavyn. Be her strength. Do not be the voice that tells her she has reason to be afraid.
And I tried. I really tried.
26. New Girl
~ DONAVYN ~
When I returned to my quarters the following evening, there was an itch between my shoulder blades. Bren had looked the question at me the night before—about the queen—and like a coward, I’d avoided it. Unwilling to commit.
I’d spent much of the day today searching my own motives and fears. Why was I so resistant to Bren meeting with Diaan? Primarily because I didn’t trust Diaan not to manipulate her, or cause further problems for us personally. But as I walked through the morning, swinging back and forth between determination to protect Bren from her, and setting my fear aside, Kgosi was the one to challenge me.
‘Can your mate be trusted to carry the king’s mission in Fyrehold?’
‘Of course she can. She’d never intentionally betray that purpose.’
‘Then she must be strong enough to identify—and evade—the manipulation of others. What else do you think she’ll face in that court?’
And, as much as I hated to admit it, he was right. If Bren wasn’t strong enough to face Diaan, knowing that she was manipulative, how would she fare against an entire, malicious court in a strange land?
When I approached Diaan and asked for her assistance, she’d been thrilled, as I’d known she would be. I still didn’t trust her, and pulled my arm from her grip when she clasped her hand on me, thanking me for giving her a role to play in Bren’s success.
I’d wanted to throw her off like a wet cloak. But, I’d kept my restraint and slipped my arm out of her grip, murmuring something polite.
Bren would see her tomorrow.
When she returned to the apartment, buoyant over something that had happened in training, I told her. She’d practically danced on the spot.
“Thank you, Donavyn! Thank you.” She leaped into my chest and kissed me, and I almost forgot we still had several things to discuss.
When she tilted her head and opened her mouth on mine, I couldn’t resist sliding my hand into her hair and holding her into my kiss. But I was forced to break it far too soon.
“I can’t let you distract me—yet,” I growled as I set her back on her feet, but kept her close, one hand on her back. She gripped my arms and smiled up at me.
“What’s going on?”
“I have yet to report to the king—which I must do this evening. But I needed to fill you in, and now I want to hear about your training. You have a twinkle in your eyes tonight. I’m happy to see it.”
