I clenched my teeth and took her hand with my arm on the good side, thankful that the knee already hurt less, and the bandage offered some support that made it easier to get to my feet.
“You need rest, Bren,” Terra said firmly.
I nodded, but inwardly shrugged. There wasn’ttime.I thanked her for her help, then slapped Akane’s leg and started towards the stable building, doing my best to walk without a limp.
To my surprise, rather than returning to the other officers in the hall, Voski fell in step with me, his dragon, Kham, striding over to Akhane’s other side and walking with her.
“Tell me where it fell apart,” he said quietly as we walked through the night.
“It would be easier to tell you where itdidn’t,”I muttered.
“Bren, we told you, this kind of training is designed to push you beyond what you can do. Intentionally. Weallfail at it.”
I grimaced. “I couldn’t even land a blow, Voski. I think at some point, we have to be realistic. I can’t ever see myselfchoosingto fight a man hand-to-hand unless it’s absolutely the last resort. And even then, I’m looking for a weapon—or a way to flee.”
“But that’s kind of the point,” Voski pointed out. “We train for the last resort, because if you aren’t prepared for that, you’re not prepared for the rest, either.”
“But—”
“Bren.” His voice was quiet but firm, and he looked down at me from the side of his eye. “This job… there’s no breaks. No let up. This is what we do—the danger, the skill, the commitment.Our job saves lives. But it can lose them, too. Just this week, you saw a dragon return, almost dead, its rider left dead in the field.”
I opened my mouth to correct him—then swiftly shut it. He didn’t know. None of them knewwhythat rider was dead.
“The problem I see,” I said as respectfully as I could, “is that if this is how I’m expected to handle danger, I’llbethe danger. To everyone else. I can’t take a man down. Not like this. Not face to face.”
Voski’s face was grim. “We all handle things differently, and we’ll meet different challenges. Will you as a woman handle those obstacles differently than us? Yes, probably. Butmostmen aren’t as strong or skilled as Furyknights, Bren. You’ll be surprised what you can achieve when you’re facing a drunk soldier, or a prancing noble. Don’t forget that: You’re facing thehardestchallenges here. Not the easiest. What we’re trying to do is hand you the weapons that will help you when we aren’t there. You get to choose when and how you wield them.”
I shook my head and walked on, trying to figure out how to express what I was feeling.
“Bren?”
“I know what you’re saying. But I feel like I’m being handed the wrong weapons. And I’m afraid that when the time comes, I won’t have the ones I need,” I said quietly.
Voski’s lips twisted. “I pray that’s just a feeling,” he said. “Go get some rest. There are new lessons tomorrow.”
I huffed, but nodded, then moved ahead with Akhane to the stable, praying he was right, that I’d find these skills more useful in the field than I expected. Because right now, I feared I would fly off with Donavyn and turn out to be little more than a burden.
I wassickof being the weight others had to drag.
I had to figure out what kind of weapon I was supposed to be, so I could land my own blows and get this shit done. After all, ifthey kept putting axes in my hand when what I really needed was a blade, who was that helping?
16. Overwhelmed
~ BREN ~
I parceled up a few items from the stable room and tried to make them look like a delivery so I could walk straight into the Officer’s building without sneaking the long way around the back on my sore knee. Thankfully, I didn’t see anyone in the entrance hall, or on the stairs, and I reached Donavyn’s quarters quickly.
He was about to dress, his skin gleaming under the lantern light, and hair damp, when I stormed into the bedroom, still having to brace so I didn’t limp.
I had a brief impression of his thickly muscled back and scars, his hair still damp before he straightened and turned to face me, surprised, because he heard me curse under my breath.
“Oh, you made it… wait, why is your knee strapped?”
“Why do you think?” I muttered.
He was naked and I wanted nothing more than to throw myself into his chest, to get lost in his body, and ignoreeverything that had happened. But I was dirty and weary and I had to pack, because the readiness mandate in my orders meant I could be called to fly in the middle of the night. Ornow.I had to, quite literally, be ready to leave at any moment.
I tossed the package onto the bed and turned to the drawers and started pulling clothes and belts out to be packed.
