“Bren?”
“I’m angry.”
Donavyn nodded, but didn’t speak. I swallowed hard.
“I feel… less sure of you,” I said bluntly.
“How much less?”
“I don’t know. I feel like you stole something from me. Before, I had no questions about you,” I said, and deep inside me, that little spark crackled again. A flare of light. And the heat of anger. “I wasso sureyou were the good one.”
Donavyn frowned. “Good one? Good one… of the Furyknights?”
“No! I knew you were the good one ofus.I knew I’d probably fuck it all up, but because you were there, it would be okay. You make things okay, Donavyn. You always make thingsbetter.And now…”
He tensed and his tone intensified. “I can still do that for you, Bren. But we’re having a conversation later about how I amnotthe onlygood onebetween us.”
“You’re better than me at—”
“Later, please, Bren. Go back. You said I stole something from you. Talk to me about that.”
I tensed, instinctively measuring him for a smile that covered anger, like Ruin when he was pretending he wasn’t about to rage. Or that hint of leashed violence I’d sense in my father when he urged me to be honest, but didn’t truly want to hear anything with which he didn’t agree. But Donavyn only looked solemn. A little ashamed. And sad.
I sighed heavily. “I love you,” I said.
“I love you too. But that’s not what I’m asking you to tell me.”
Irritation flared at his stubbornness, but there was a rush from him in the bond—reassurance. Steadiness. I knew if I’d linked with Akhane she would have urged me to trust him.
And perhaps that was it.
Maybethat’swhy I felt so uneasy? And a little bit like I wanted to scream?
“I thought you’d never let me down,” I murmured. “But if I can’t trust your word, whose can I trust?”
“You can trust me, Bren. No, don’t look away.” I’d turned my head towards the window again, just to get a break from his eyes, but he caught my chin and made me meet his gaze again. “Hear me,” he said gruffly. “With the exception of God Himself, no one will love you like I do. No one. But I am a man, Bren. I am not flawless. Now, I see that holding back was the wrong thing for you. For us. Yet, I did it. I cannot take it back. So, how do we move forward? Because I’m telling you, very soon, we’ll leave the Keep and it will be months, minimum, before we return—unless war breaks out and then we’re called to fight.
“There is little hope of peace in our world, soon. Tell me how to heal thisrift?How to show you, give you confidence again. Because I cannot risk that we’re separated forever with this hanging between us. I would regret that to my bones. So, tell me. What do you need from me?”
“I just need you,” I whispered, because it was true. Something in my chest cracked open. “I just need you with me, and honest, and… don’t hide things from me. Ever.”
“You have my word. Will you give me the same?”
I blinked. “What? I haven’t—”
“It’s not an accusation, Bren. It’s an acknowledgement: I know you hold things back out of fear that I might, I don’t know, leave? Give up? Something—I see it flicker in your eyes. I feel it in the bond. Like a tiny animal hiding in the grass, pleading with God to stop the cat from seeing it. But I’m the one God gave to protect you. Please, stop believing that I might learn something which would turn me away. All I want is you,safe.”
“That’s all I want too!” I cried.
“Then why—”
“Because I know you think you have to do it all. You aren’t going on a mission with me as a Furyknight and your partner in the mission. You see your mate, a woman, someone to be protected.”
“And I always will.”
“But I’ll have a job to do!”
“And I will help you do it. No, hear me—thatismy job. With you, with your brothers, with the king. My job is tohelp.To see ahead. To make the plan to give you the best chance of success. Let me do that for you.”
