Father had been a bastard, but he hadn’t beenwrongabout Ruin and his feelings for me.
Did that mean Donavyn was right now, as well?
‘No, Bren,’Akhane sent firmly.‘Do not tangle the two. They are different men, with different sins. Take Donavyn for himself only. Your father was—’She cut herself off and raised her head, ears flicking towards the door.‘We have a visitor,’she sent quietly.
The sound of footsteps in the stable aisle made me stiffen. I expected Donavyn, yet wasn’t sure I was ready to talk to him. But, when the door slid back, it was only by a few inches, andthe face that peered through was much closer to the floor—and a great deal younger.
“Benji?” I blurted, surprised.
“I’m sorry to disturb you, but I’ve been trying to find you for two days. Thank goodness you’re here!”
A jolt of unease crackled through me. My squad knew I no longer slept here, but everyone else still assumed I was with Akhane. Thankfully I had an extremely busy training and patrol schedule to blame for missing passing people in the stable, or at the dining hall. But it was hard to explain why a stableboy wouldn’t find me in my room.
Thankfully, Benji didn’t ask for an explanation, he just pressed the door back far enough to step into the gap, then plowed on.
“The scribe at the Quartermaster sent a runner looking for you yesterday, but they couldn’t find you. I told them about… about your training. He said he would return, but asked me to give you this.”
I got to my feet as Benji started towards Akhane. I didn’t think she’d hiss at him—the dragons seemed to like him a great deal—but I didn’t want to take the risk. She got protective when I was upset.
He handed me a small, crumpled parchment that had been folded and sealed with a scribe’s wax—the scribe from the Academy buildings. I assumed it was a summons from the seamstresses and slid it into my pocket to retrieve later. It was growing late now. I could visit the Quartermaster in the morning on my way to patrol.
“Thank you, Benji. I’ll make certain to speak with them tomorrow so they won’t bother you again.”
“Oh, it’s not a bother. I like coming to speak with Kgosi,” Benji said with a little smile. But then the high blast of theFurymaster’s whistle sounded outside and Benji jumped. “I have to go. I’m glad I found you.”
“Thank you, Benji.” I didn’t know what to do about people coming to look for me at the stable, but perhaps tonight it wouldn’t matter. Perhaps tonight I would stay here with Akhane…
‘Oh, Bren. I love to have you, but you and Donavyn shouldn’t stay apart. Don’t let the anger simmer—it will only be more difficult to soothe. Go to him in love. If you have sinned, own your part with humility. He is, after all, your Commander. But stand your ground about your path. He cannot and should not attempt to steal that from you. Kgosi will tell him, I’m certain.’
‘I think he will too,’I sent uneasily.‘But even if he apologizes… how do I move past this, Akhane? I feel disgusted. I never thought he’d make me feel that way, but using that word…’
Akhane sighed heavily, her ribs expanding, then contracting so her breath whooshed into the cool evening air of the stable.‘Forgive, Bren. Always forgive. Do not excuse, but do forgive. It is better to be one with your mate and happy, than proud and alone.’
I knew she was right, but it didn’t sit well. Was this what Donavyn would do every time I had to take an action he didn’t like? Use his rank toinstructme not to follow my instincts?
And what would I do if he did? He was a good man. He loved me. Yet, he was also my Commander.
I didn’t know how to balance those two in conflicts between us, and anxiety trilled in my chest—but then the door rumbled again and Donavyn strode in, his face pale and forehead lined.
I stopped in my tracks, staring as he strode straight across the straw to me, those stunning shoulders framed perfectly by his flight leathers, and his hair disheveled from the wind.
He looked handsome and dashing and—
“Bren, I’m sorry,” he croaked as Kgosi appeared in the doorway, and the dragons crooned to each other.
I wasn’t sure whether to back away or throw myself into his chest, so I stood there, frozen, mind blank, as he strode towards me, his face pained.
“We’ll work this out,” he said quietly. “I trust you—let me say that, please. My reaction wasn’t because I don’t trustyou. It’sthem.The men. They’re the ones I don’t trust.”
“I-I know,” I gulped. “But with this kind of mission, if I’m going to be any use I have to… have to encourage men totalkto me—”
“I understand. I do. Forgive me. I’m… Bren, I’m terrified.”
He stopped within arm’s reach, his eyes clouded, but searching mine.
I was vaguely aware of Akhane slipping past me, to join Kgosi, and both of them leaving the stable together. But I couldn’t stop staring at Donavyn—the pinched weariness in his eyes, the tension in his posture, and that sense of him in the bond that thrummed now that he was close.
“You called me awhore—”
