“I never meant that word for you, and it won’t cross my lips again. You have my word.”
I took a deep breath. “You ordered me to—”
“I won’t use my rank against you like that. I swear it. I spoke with Kgosi, I’ve looked back on all of this. I was wrong. I have advice. Insight. Things that can help you. And I will offer it. I’ll give you orders for the mission’s sake—as I would for any Furyknight that accompanied me. But I won’t order you to soothe my own fear, or pride, ever again. I swear.”
His eyes were pinched, pleading, and my heart rose.
“Bren, hear me, please,” he breathed. “Everything about this mission terrifies me. Butespeciallythe danger to you. I am struggling to let you go.”
“But you won’t have to. We’re going together. And we’reallin danger when we do—including you.”
He nodded. “I am far more ready to face danger myself, than to let you—”
“I want to be part of the winning, Donavyn.”
He frowned. “What? I don’t understand.”
I took a deep breath. “When we come back from this mission, no matter what’s happened, I want to look back on it and be able to see that I earned my place.”
“Bren, youalreadyearned your place. That’s why you’re here. These are team efforts, none of us can move forward without the others.”
I nodded. “That’s exactly what I mean. I want to be your teammate. Not… not your pet to be protected from everything. Itisdangerous. For both of us. And if we win, I want to know I was a part of making that happen.”
“I want you to feel that, too,” he croaked. His expression hardened as he looked away. “I’m sorry I tried to hold you back. Kgosi spoke with me—he believes in you, too. He didn’t let me remain ignorant in how I let you down. So, I’ll do everything I can to help you, to ready you, to be there for you.”
I opened my mouth, but he raised a hand. “Please, listen. I want you to be certain…”
He stepped right up to my toes, staring down at me with his jaw clenched. “I’m struggling with fearforyou. I will battle it. I know I was wrong. I’ll endeavor not to be wrong again, but if I stumble, Bren, don’t give up on me. I struggle because I love you. Because you’re precious. Because I’m terrified of seeing you hurt. That’s all.”
I had to swallow a lump in my throat. “I’m afraid of that, too.”
He nodded. “I know. And I know. I’m still wrestling with my anger for the men who hurt you—” he dropped his voice, “—especiallyTalon.But I’m not angry with you. I’m terrifiedforyou. I won’t let it step in the way again. And if I do, you have my permission to wake me up again.” He rubbed his cheek, and I wasn’t sure if he realized he’d done it, but I felt the first smile creeping up, even as his expression sobered.
“Whatever you learn, whatever you need—however you must employ your skills in the moment to keep yourself safe and take steps towards our mutual goal, you do it, Bren. Don’t fear my response. Just do it. I trust you. I know you. And I’ll do everything I can to help you.”
“Thank you,” I whispered. “I trust you, too.”
“Thank God,” he breathed. Then his hands came up to cup my face as he searched my eyes for any resistance. But I felt nothing but relief and joy when he leaned down to kiss me.
~ DONAVYN ~
Lifting my head, I met her eyes. “What is it? What pains you?”
She smiled at me, combing my sweaty hair back from my face and tucking it behind my ears. “I just know how it feels to be afraid. And I’m not, Donavyn. I hate that we fought. I hate that you questioned me. But I know you. I can feel you. I love you, and…” She let her hand slide down to the center of my chest, right over that space where the bond nestled next to my heart. My body—and the bond itself—leaped for her touch. “I’m just grateful you’re here,” she finished in a whisper.
We held each other until our hearts synced.
At some point she remembered Benji, and told me about his visit—and her fear that others were looking for her at the stable, and would soon figure out that she wasn’t sleeping here.
I grimaced and nodded. “One of the few benefits of us being called to fly soon.”
“I hate hiding you,” she said quietly, her eyes begging me to understand.
“The moment you feel ready—”
“I know, and I’m not. But I want you to know, I hate all this sneaking around.”
“As do I,” I said, which was when I saw how that fit in this whole picture. I shook my head. “All this hiding and deceit… it isn’t good for us. I understand why you want it, but we’re leaving soon. When we come back, we’ll stop hiding. We’ll face what needs to be faced together.”
