"I can’t do that." His voice doubles in gravel, the scratchiness of it heavy and deep.
"Maybe not, but the Nexus can, right?"
Shadow’s normally oscillating smoke and tendrils still abruptly.
"You can take me to him, or her, or them." I lick my lips after tripping over my words. For some reason, I’ve held the fear it’s another woman.
I worry he fucks her with his tentacles too. Maybe even with his real cock.
But that is a lot of presumptions, and they are all very human. I need to leave that behind. I’m not going to be human anymore, I should leave those thoughts behind. He can fuck whoever, whatever, whenever he likes as long as he takes me with him.
A vicious little whisper slithers in my ear.Liar.
"So take me to her," I repeat myself.
"She can’t help you," he says finally, still as frozen as a statue.
So itisa woman. I wrestle down my jealousy, my masochistic fantasies of him doing the same things to someone else as he does to me.
The impulse to rip off my clothes, grab hold of him, claim him and drive him as crazy as he does me nearly rocks me off my feet.
I bear down on those impulses to stay in control.
"Let me ask her, and we’ll see," I grit through my teeth.
Shadow slowly shakes his head. The motion strikes me as condescending, as if I am some child who doesn’t understand what she is asking.
My grip tightens on the strap of my bag, so tight my fingers hurt.
"Your world can’t be as bad as mine, Shadow. I don’t give a fuck how many monsters are there. I’m coming with you this time." I march up to him, getting in his face. I won’t back down. He may not love me the way I love him, but he has a weaknessfor me. I’m grabbing it and yanking it wide open until I get what I want.
"Evie, you don’t understand," he says it too calmly.
I throw my bag to the ground with a loud smack. "Then make me understand," I yell.
"You cannot live in my world," he says evenly, telling me absolutely fucking nothing.
I take a lap, circling the room, throwing my hands up with a frustrated growl, before getting back in his face.
"Is it because you are afraid for me?" I’m still yelling, but I don’t care. My fingernails bite into my palms. I welcome the sting. Blood is proof I'm still real, still fighting.
"Yes." The word comes out a harsh whisper.
"It can’t be worse than here. Everything is falling apart. I have no one, and what little meager scraps I have, I’m about to lose."
I hate it. I hate what I’m saying. I hate how I’m saying it.
I’m acting like little Oliver Twist. Poor little orphan girl who has no one and nothing.
But if I don’t get him to agree to let me go with him, I’m going to fall to a lower place than I’ve ever been before. And I sense to the very center of my black soul, it’s going to be a place I can’t come back from.
Hemustagree.
Shadow doesn’t speak, he doesn’t move. I have no idea what he’s thinking.
"Take me to the Nexus. Take me to your world." It’s a ragged whisper, and it’s all I have left in me.
A long pause. "No."
