Not only did I get him hurt, but I ended things between us.
At home, the emptiness is suffocating. Shadow's absence is a chasm that echoes with the memory of his fury and his promise.
The Nexus—whatever that means—seems to be at the heart of it all.
Shadow’s reaction had been… intense. Though he is made of darkness and smoke, I read him like a book. There had been surprise, then a rage I’d never witnessed before.
The room feels too quiet as I sit on the edge of my bed, too still. The absence of Shadow looms, an aching gap. He always came back, no matter what. And now I cling to that truth like a lifeline.
I curl up under the covers but sleep feels like a cop out.
The faint hint of smokiness in the air. My heart leaps. I’m not alone.
"Evie," a voice rumbles in the darkness.
I sit up with a start, my heart pounding.
It's him. Shadow. He hovers in the corner, a darker blot against the night. My breath catches at the sight of him.
"Shadow," I gasp, relief washing over me.
The Nexus
"Shadow," I call to him.
His form is hazy, as if he's not fully in this world, but the intensity in his eyes is unmistakable.
The comfort and relief of Shadow’s presence is overwhelming. It's like being submerged in a cold, dark ocean and suddenly breaking the surface to breathe. He never abandoned me, not really. Even when he tries to stay away, he returns—my protector, my constant in a hellish existence. I don’t deserve him, but I am fucking keeping him.
"I’m here," he states, his voice a rough whisper that sends shivers down my spine. It reassures me, warms me.
I sit up, the blanket pooling around my waist. "Are you still hurt?" I ask.
I’d never seen him bleed before. Seeing his insides was disturbing. Bright red muscle, black blood. My monster has always been untouchable, larger than life, but seeing him hurt shook me to my core.
"I have healed," he rumbles. "Youare hurt," he says, echoing my observation. I change the bandages around my arms as needed. The flesh wounds have scabbed over and mainly irritate me with itching, which tells me they are healing.
"I’m okay." I assure him.
Drawing closer until he’s beside my bed, he reaches out a hand to trace a finger up my cheek.
I close my eyes and let out a sigh, reveling in the feel of his scaley touch that is so warm, so familiar. It’s as if he is reassuring himself that I’m alright. I close my hand over his, holding it to my face, reassuring myself too.
Swallowing hard, I try to suppress the feelings of dark desire rising in me. I whisper, "I have so many questions, Shadow. That monster, what was it? Why are they coming after me? What is a Nexus?"
He hesitates. I catch the flicker of something crossing his undefined features—maybe pain or fear?
He drops his hand and puts space between us. I hate every little inch of that space. "Evie, there are things in this world and beyond that are better left unspoken."
I shake my head, frustration flaring. Throwing my sheets aside, I get to my feet. A chill sweeps up my bare legs. For once, the thermostat is behaving. "No. You can't do this anymore." Words and emotions erupt from me now. "You can't keep secrets, not when they're spilling into my world. The police suspect me, Miguel is in a coma—maybe permanently brain damaged—and Miguel's family looks at me like I'm a…"
Monster, I finish in my mind.
A mad, maniacal laugh erupts from my throat, escaping in a burst of unhinged hysteria. It echoes off the walls, bouncing back at me in mocking taunts. Isn't this what I am? What I've become? A monster, a twisted shadow.
Before, donning the title felt like a blanket of safety. If I knew I was the darkness, nothing could hurt me. But now that I am the cause of violence and pain to people who don’t deserve it, I don’t want it. I don’t want to be a monster.
Maybe the cops will come for me after all. Send someone to put me away in the crazy house. Maybe they’ll put me in the same room as Jean, and we can wear matching straitjackets.
