When pain explodes from me like this, more usually follows, emotions crowding each other out to escape into the open air. It takes a while to dam everything back up inside of me once I’ve let loose.
But this time, there isn’t more to let out. Instead, a calmness settles over me as the internal emotional pressure drains away.
I’m left shuddering and shaky, having let go of something inside me I’d been holding onto so hard, keeping so close.
I’m floating free, untethered. The old me is gone now, disintegrating into those watery depths. I’m new and anything is possible. It’s utterly fucking terrifying.
I sense a swell of pride coming from Shadow next to me, watching steadily.
"What did I tell you about being a monster, Evie? It doesn’t make you evil, it makes you other. And from what I've witnessed, you are an otherworldly creature that should never have been put to suffer the injustices so cruelly. It’s why I could not stay away. I also can’t stand that you are punishing yourself."
A clawed hand squeezes my neck, putting enough pressure on my jugular to turn my breathing shallow and ensure all of my attention is on him.
"So you are going to cease this nonsense." His tone turns sharp and unforgiving. "No more punishing yourself. You can have whatever you want simply because you have the desire. That’s enough. The only one who will hurt you anymore is me, and only because you ask me to."
Soft tears slip over my cheeks, down my neck, and gather on his knuckles where he holds me. "Shadow?" I whisper.
"Yes, my Evangeline," he drawls, already knowing what I'm about to ask.
"Hurt me."
Without hesitation, he pulls me up to him and claims my mouth in a deep, searching kiss. Drawing me even closer, he tilts my head so he can deepen the kiss. I’m at his mercy and he takes full advantage until I’m a puddle underneath him.
He nips my lip until blood slides over our tongues. Claws slip under my coat and sweater to rake along my back, scratching the skin apart in delicate, eloquent sweeps. I shudder as he uses perfect pressure to get my skin to respond and sing with agony and pleasure.
The blood will ruin this sweater, but I don’t care. I need this more.
An internal calm surrounds me while my skin rises to the external pain. I make the intense hot tingles my own until they can’t hurt me. At this moment, I’m invulnerable.
When Shadow lets me go and I step away, I am yet again changed. Despite the cold burning my wet cheeks, I smile up at him with a genuine, near face-splitting grin.
A guttural groan escapes him. "I would eat the heart of this very world if it would make you smile like this."
His clawed hand wraps around mine and again I find myself enjoying a moment of domestic bliss with my monster.
We walk along the shoreline, our footsteps mingling with the patterns left by the receding tide. He's there but not, a part of the night itself. The moonlight dances on the water, creating a path of silver light that stretches to the horizon.
For just a fleeting moment, I allow myself to forget everything else. Here, with the ocean's song in my ears and Shadow at my side, I find a peace I thought I'd never find.
But the thing I can never forget about peace is, it never lasts long.
We stay by the ocean until dawn, when Shadow has to slip away.
My limbs and body have gone stiff with the cold, but I don't mind. Now that I made it here, I vow to myself never to stay away for long again.
When I get on the bus back to my apartment alone, my phone vibrates. My frozen fingers struggle to pull it out. I miss the call, but there is a voicemail.
"Ms. Smith, I work at St Mary’s Hospital. Mr. Miguel Acevedo has woken up and is requesting to see you."
Awakening
Miguel’s room is bathed in the soft glow of the afternoon sun filtering through the blinds. The rhythmic beep of the heart monitor sets a tentative backdrop as I step inside. The smell of antiseptic and stale coffee lingers in the air.
He's sitting up in bed, a shadow of his former vibrancy, yet there's a spark in his eyes as he sees me. His gaze trails over my changed appearance. I’d gone home first to shower and change from my thick clothes that were sodden with ocean spray and stained with blood.
Now I’m wearing a sleek, form-fitting, long-sleeved sweater dress that dips low in the front to show off the tops of my breasts. Turns out bras can change a girl’s whole figure, even if she doesn’t have much of one to begin with.
I’m suddenly acutely aware of the confident, almost predatory way I carry myself now. It’s been more than two months since Miguel’s lights went out, but it feels as though a lifetime has passed.
