Gentry
“Dad?”
“In here,” I call out from the kitchen as I pull the shepherd’s pie out of the oven.
A moment later, Finn and Hollis stroll into the room, and suddenly, I can’t breathe. My heart is pounding in my ears, and I haven’t even said a word yet. I don’t know how I’m supposed to get through this dinner if I already feel this on edge.
“Yum, smells good,” Finn says, grabbing a beer from the fridge.
“Want one?” he offers.
I shake my head. “No, that’s all right. Tryin’ to drink more water.”And I already killed my second glass of bourbon before you got here.
After my epiphany, as Remington liked to call it, a couple of weeks ago, I decided it’s time to be honest with my boys. Clearly, it’s taken some time for me to work up the nerve to actually do it, but better late than never, right? I’ve spent their whole lives hiding who I really was, and I’m not even sure why. I feel likea fraud. I taught them when they were kids that they should always be true to who they are and family is always there for you, yet I’ve kept this huge part of my identity close to my chest.
They deserve to know.
I should’ve told them years ago, but I can’t change the past.
“Is everythin’ okay?” Hollis asks as I grab three plates out of the cabinet.
“Yeah. Why wouldn’t it be?”
“Well, you invited us over for dinner but said it was just us three,” he explains, his voice even, but apprehension covers his features. “You’re not, like…dyin’ or anythin’, are you?”
“God, no,” I blurt out, realizing how ominous my dinner invitation must’ve sounded. It’s not uncommon to have the whole family over, Tucker and spouses included, but I’m nervous enough as it is telling Finn and Hollis. I couldn’t stomach having this conversation with more people. “I’m sorry that I worried you, but I’m certainly not dyin’, nor is anythin’ wrong.”
“Phew.” He chuckles, making a show of wiping the sweat off his brow.
I hand him a plate before doing the same to Finn. “Let’s dish up while it’s hot.”
Every time I host dinner, we always sit in the same seats at the dining room table. It’s been this way since they were kids, and it’s always been unspoken. I’m at the head of the table, closest to the kitchen, with Finn to my right, and Hollis on my left, across from his brother. When the whole family comes over, it’s always the same too. Tucker at the foot of the table, Ford next to Hollis, and Ash beside his husband. When August and Tripp come, they usually switch up which empty spots they sit at.
Tonight is no different.
It’s comfortable, knowing what to expect. I’m a man of routine—I don’t know a single rancher who isn’t—so eventhough it’s little, and probably silly, having my sons sit in the exact same seats they’ve sat at for the last thirty-plus years right when I’m about to tell them something huge and way out of my comfort zone, helps ease my nerves.
“If there’s any leftovers, I’m takin’ Ash a plate,” Finn says. “You know how much he loves your shepherd’s pie.”
My chest rumbles with a chuckle. “That’s quite alright,” I say. “Made plenty for that very reason. What are him and Tucker up to tonight?”
“They drove over to Remi’s house a couple hours ago so Tuck and Lukas could hang out.”
At the mention of Remington, my pulse kicks up in my neck, and I bark out a cough. “Shit,” I blurt, hitting my chest with the side of my fist.
Finn hands me the glass of water beside my plate. “You okay?”
“Yeah.” I nod before taking a large sip. “Food went down the wrong pipe, that’s all. It’s nice that Tucker and Lukas get along so well.”
He smiles in that way a parent does when they think about their kid. “Yeah, it is. I didn’t expect Tucker to warm up to him so quickly. You know how he’s pretty shy at school.”
“I don’t know. Maybe Tucker can sense Lukas could use a friend right now.”
“Maybe.” Finn glances at Hollis before he asks, “Think Remi’s gonna adopt him?”
“Fuck if I know.” He snorts. “Between his work schedule and me being smack dab in the middle of plannin’ this wedding, we haven’t had a whole lot of time to hang out.”
Guilt creeps in, prickling the back of my neck. I’m sure I’m partly to blame for that too, and it makes me feel like shit.
