I leaned my forehead on the door, my hand gripping the knob again. “No. Not here.”
“Where, then?” A beat of silence. “Are you at Neil’s house?”
“Not yet. My mom’s there. I need to go take care of it. It’s not fair to him.”
“I’m coming with you,” Jack said.
His immediate offer shimmered in my mind. Now that the words had started, I couldn’t seem to stop them. “He’s never been able to deal with my parents. He shouldn’t have to. They’re my problem. I should have let her know I’d moved. I should have thought about this happening.”
“Hey, no, this isn’t your fault,” Jack told me, kind like usual. “I’m glad you called. I’m coming to pick you up.”
“I need to go. I wasn’t answering my phone. I need to get there quickly.”
“Wait for me, Hailey. I’m already heading out to my truck.”
“I can’t,” I whispered. “I should have already been there, and I’m farther away. I need to hurry. He’s going to call the cops.” He wouldn’t, I didn’t believe he would, but the possibility made everything inside me feel tighter. My mom already hated me for the time she’d spent in jail.
“I’ll meet you there. I think I’ll beat you there, but if I don’t, don’t get out of your car until I get there.”
I opened my apartment door, locking up behind me quickly. Now that I was finally moving, some of the overwhelming panic receded. “I’m okay. I’ve dealt with this before. I can handle it.”
“You can. I’m going to be there anyway. See you soon.” I heard the sound of an engine as he hung up the phone.
I wasn’t going to be standing outside with her alone. The idea of that let some of the twisting in my gut loosen. I slid into my car. I was farther away than the bar, but I still wasn’t that far.
Jack’s truck was already parked at the curb when I approached Neil’s house. I pulled into the driveway, my hand lifting as if to push the garage door opener. My fingers brushed the roof of the car, reminding me I no longer had a remote. I didn’t live there anymore.
I needed to make that clear to my mother. She stepped back from the front stoop, her body vibrating from either anger or whatever she’d shot into her body that day.
I knew addiction was a disease and not always a choice. The Millers had me attend counseling every time I returned to them, and I’d talked through my parents’ addictions so many times. A few years ago, I accepted that I wasn’t going to be able to save her, to save either of my parents, though my dad would remain in prison for a while longer before I had to worry about him again.
Once I was an adult with a job, whenever either of them showed up on my doorstep, I’d given them money. I didn’t give it because I believed their lies. They wouldn’t use the money to get clean, no matter what they said. No, I’d paid them because it was easier. The path of least resistance. I’d believed that when Neil had said it.
Nothing about showing up here and facing her was easy, though, whether or not I gave her money. Not paying her might make her stop coming around. She never came out of love; she came for what she could get out of me. If she could no longer get anything, I doubt she’d bother seeing me at all. There was also the possibility that, without money, she’d do something illegal again and end up back in jail. The thought was almost a relief.
My mom’s eyes narrowed on me, sharp and dark, and she stomped toward my car. I scrambled to open the door, not wanting to be trapped, and Jack caught it, holding it open for me. His appearance made my mom pause.
“About time you showed up,” she snapped, folding her arms across her chest. Our hair color matched, though her hair looked clumped and stringy. She appeared to be too skinny, like usual, her collarbone sticking out above the tank top that didn’t fully cover her discolored bra. Her arms were thin and bony. The child I’d been had learned the hard way that they weren’t frail, and for a while I had pictured them with claws on the ends of her fingers, not nails.
“Who’s this now?” she asked, eyeing Jack.
“He’s—” I wasn’t sure how to introduce him. Was he still a friend after yesterday? He was the only person I’d thought to call, but I couldn’t say that. His offer to be here, to just be here, meant the world to me. “A friend,” I finished, since it was the least complicated.
“Uh-huh. I bet he’s friendly.” My mom snorted as she rolled the last word in her mouth. “I guess you ain’t so loyal to that other friend of yours after all. Though after you sent me away like you don’t owe me shit, I already know you ain’t loyal.”
I ignored the second sentence. “Neil and I broke up. I don’t live here anymore, so you won’t get anything from coming here.”
“I could have aborted you, you know.”
I didn’t flinch at the taunt. I’d heard it so many times over the years I could have repeated it in my sleep, with exactlythe same tone.
“Should have. Not like I got any child support out of it or nothing, not with the loser your dad was. I wouldn’t need all this medicine if I hadn’t fucked up my body pushing you out.”
Jack’s hand found my shoulder as he stood beside me, his thumb circling in a soothing motion.
My chest felt less constricted. “Drugs, Mom, not medicine. You’re using drugs, and you think you need more.” I took a breath. “You won’t find any help with that here. Not anymore.”
“Ungrateful bitch!” In her anger, she spat at me, but the saliva came out as a mist that didn’t reach me. “I ain’t leaving without the money I’m owed.”
