My hands trembled in my lap, and I pressed my teeth together to keep them from chattering. Neil was all I had. No one knew me the way Neil did.
If I lost him, who would I have in my life?
Besides, he was right. I’d been avoiding having sex with him as much as I could. My body no longer wanted to try. That wasn’t fair to him. He deserved a relationship that was intimate.
I might lose him if we did this. He might realize that sex with someone else, anyone else, was better than sex with me. But I would lose him for sure if we didn’t do this. He’d reached the end of his patience with me after twelve years.
“I really do love you, Hails,” he said, his eyes so hopeful.
I swallowed. “If we do this, maybe we can add some limits? I don’t want to wonder if you’re with someone else every time we’re not together. I don’t think I could handle that.”
“Oh, yeah, that would get weird, wouldn’t it?” He was smiling again. Excited. “How about Fridays only? I read online there’s something called a ‘hall pass.’ It’s a get out of jail free agreement where you’re allowed to cheat. So we’ll have Hall Pass Fridays.”
“Fridays.” One day a week. I could handle that, couldn’t I?
He took my repetition of the word as agreement. “Then it’s settled. A week from now, we’ll both try to hook up with someone else.”
I shook my head. “I can’t meet someone that fast. It’s been so long since I’ve even looked at anyone else. And what would I tell them? That I have a boyfriend, so we couldn’t get too serious, but I want sex?”
Neil laughed. “You’re underestimating how many guys would like that, but I know you get nervous meeting new people. Don’t worry. I have an idea for the first time. That should ease us into it.”
My eyes searched his face. He had an idea. Did that mean he’d already been thinking about this? For how long?
He stood from the table, moving to my side and squeezing my shoulder. “Thank you, Hailey. I really think this is going to help us.” He moved past me toward our bedroom.
I was already dreading the next Friday. This was going to be a disaster.
Chapter 2
The First Friday
Iarrived at The Muse Whiskey Bar earlier than the designated time because I’d been anxious about finding parking. It turned out that was a wasted worry because the lot was barely full.
Neil had picked out the location, tempting me with the live music it advertised on Friday nights. I had been asking to see more indie artists performing. It was fun to find them online and try them on my streaming service, but the city we lived in had an underground music scene. It wasn’t as big as some of the huge cities, but I’d heard good things. Only Neil never wanted to go out with me, and I ended up chickening out when faced with going alone.
Part of me wondered if he knew that and that’s why he refused. He’d always been insecure about not playing an instrument,since my first couple of boyfriends had been in garage bands.
I glanced at the dashboard. Twenty minutes before nine and the parking lot was this empty? Some of my excitement faded, leaving only nerves behind. Neil had warned me I was leaving too early, but his excitement over tonight had been hard to watch. Since we were driving separately anyway, I decided to leave first. I’d rather arrive early to get comfortable in the space before meeting whoever he had invited.
Only now, the thought of walking in alone seemed worse when combined with being a first-time patron. I forced myself out of my car anyway, clicking the lock button twice to make sure I’d done it before putting my keys in my purse.
The front door was open as I approached, a muscular man with a long red beard and a bald head standing in the doorway. His arms were folded, showing off the tattoos decorating his skin. There were no colors, just black ink, but the starkness somehow made me want to study the designs more.
I paused, shifting my feet. “Um, is there an entrance fee or something?”
He smiled at me, his pink lips fascinating surrounded by all that hair. “Nah, honey, I’m here to keep the fools from acting up. First time?”
“Yes,” I admitted, tentatively smiling back.
His eyes softened before flicking behind me. His brows drew together when they returned to my face. “You on your own?”
My fingers clenched on my purse. “Oh, um, I’m meeting someone.”
He nodded. “That’s the right thing to say, whether you are or not. If you run into any trouble, come find me. That’s what I’m here for.”
“Thanks. I really appreciate that.” Some of the tension eased from my smile. He seemed so nice, despite his intimidating looks. “I’m feeling a little out of my element, honestly.”
“Kind of figured that.”
