“And you’re still mad I didn’t sleep with him?” I asked, the reality of it twisting my stomach into knots.
“Well, I doubt he would have acted so mad if you’d slept with him,” Neil said.
“You’re unbelievable.” I stomped toward our room before pausing. “You’re only upset because he interrupted you with Lexi.”
“We hadn’t even gotten that far,” Neil admitted. “And it was weird for me, being naked when Victor burst in. I mean, she hadn’t even gotten naked yet. She was too busy focusing on me.”
I turned toward him, my lips pressed together. I told myself not to say anything. All I’d be doing would be making the fight bigger.
The bubble of resentment wasn’t going down, though. “Are you serious right now?”
He frowned, his forehead creasing. “What?”
“This is all about you, isn’t it? You’re only thinking of yourself.”
“Come on, Hailey. That’s not fair.”
“Not fair! We’ve been together twelve years, Neil. Twelveyearsof having sex. How many times have you come in that time?”
“Well, I mean, a lot less in the past year.”
I held up a hand. “I don’t want to hear it! I can tell you my count. Zero with a partner. Zero withyou.”
He flinched away from me, his jaw setting stubbornly. “And whose fault is that? Your body doesn’t fucking work, Hailey!”
I lost my breath at the anger that seethed out of him.
“I tried, okay? I really did try for a while, but you kept telling me to stop or that it didn’t feel right or that it wasn’t doing anything for you. What did you expect from me?” He moved closer, his eyes blazing. “I tried, dammit!”
It was like a weight settled around me, trying to smother me. “Fine. It’s all me.”
He blinked, biting his lip and looking away. “God. No, that’s not—” He wrapped his arms around his stomach. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. It’s just been frustrating, you know? I want to make my girlfriend orgasm. I feel pathetic for not doing it.”
Words pushed against my lips, ones I had said so often. That it wasn’t his fault. That I didn’t blame him for it. That all I wanted was to feel close to him. I swallowed, lowering my eyes to the floor, where I noticed I still wore my shoes in the house.
“I don’t believe you.”
His head lifted. “What?”
“I don’t believe you.” It came out stronger the second time, and I lifted my head. “If learning how to pleasure a woman, to pleasure me, was really what you cared about most, you wouldn’t have been the only one naked when Victor burst in. You would have already been focused on her.”
He shook his head. “That’s not what she wanted. What was I supposed to do, tell her no?”
“I don’t know. All I know is you were with a second woman finally, but you didn’t make her orgasm either.”
His cheeks paled. “That doesn’t count. We didn’t even have sex! And anyway, I didn’t come either. And whose fault is that?”
“You’re blaming me?”
“I mean, Victor wouldn’t have been there if it weren’t for you. You were the one who failed here.”
I stepped forward, glaring at him. “Let me say this again. I get to decide who I do or do not have sex with. Me. Nobody else!” I jabbed a finger into his chest. “Not you!”
He lifted his hands. “You’re right, okay? I’m just—” He groaned. “I’m just frustrated! I really wanted tonight to work.” He moved to the couch, sinking down on it, his head bent and his arms dangling between his knees.
“I wanted it to work, too,” I said, even though it didn’t ring true. I moved to him, sitting. “But we can’t force this, Neil. Just like we can’t force a marriage neither of us are sure about.”
“So you admit you’re not sure either?” he asked, his head lifting.
