Chapter 1
The Friday Before
The unspoken words between us burned as I followed Neil into the house. His shoulders were stiff, his steps heavy. The energy behind his silence made my hands sweat.
I paused at the door to remove my shoes. Taking off my shoes immediately hadn’t been a habit until we’d moved in together, but he’d insisted. I knew better than to argue when he felt so strongly about something.
Staring after his retreating back, I took a breath. “Your parents shouldn’t have brought it up again,” I said softly.
“Don’t you think I know that?” Neil stalked past the couch toward the kitchen. “It’s not like I have any control over them, Hailey. Don’t act like I do.”
My footsteps paused near the dining room table, my hand gripping the back of a chair. I watched him over the island as he reached for a glass, filling it with water. “I wasn’t acting likethat. It’s not like this is new. For the past twelve years we’ve been together, they’ve been asking when we’re getting married.”
Neil drained the glass. “I know.”
His softer tone let some of the tension coiled in my stomach unwind. “Then why were you so upset by it tonight?” If anyone should be upset, it should be me. It was my birthday dinner, after all. His parents had been taking me out for my birthday ever since my foster parents passed away. They never took me out on my actual birthday but on whatever day was most convenient. This time it had been two weeks later, since his father had to travel for work.
It was still a nice gesture. For the first ten years of my life, my birthday had gone uncelebrated. I’d barely even remembered what day it was. When I’d been placed with the most loving couple I could have imagined, my birthday had been more than celebrated. The Millers made such a big deal out of it, I’d felt embarrassed, but there’d been a giddiness to being the center of attention as well. Now that they were gone, birthdays didn’t feel the same.
“My parents wouldn’t keep bringing up marriage if you would shut them down,” Neil said, his green eyes latching on me.
“Me?” I asked, my hand clenching on the chair back. “It’s not my place. They’re your parents.”
“You’ve known them for almost twenty years, Hailey,” Neil said, exasperation filling his voice. “That makes them practically your parents, too.”
It didn’t, not really. I bit my lip, my eyes growing warm.
“I mean, before we were even together, you were my best friend. We were over at each other’s houses all the time. You know them, and you usually know just what to say to keep them from being upset.” His hands rested on the island as he leaned on it. “So why do you act like a deer in headlights every time they bring up us marrying?”
I lifted my eyes to his again. “Because anything I say will prove you’ve been lying.”
He froze, his arms tensing.
“You keep telling them I’m the one who doesn’t want to get married. That after all my experiences growing up, I don’t believe in it. They keep pushing because they know that’s not true!” I couldn’t count how many times as a child I’d mentioned my dream of having a family, my family, one I chose for myself. My foster parents were lovely people, but they were much older, their health turning frailer each year I was with them. I knew they’d be gone before I was ready, and all I’d wanted was a family to hold on to for longer.
“Let’s not do this.” Neil sighed as he came around the island toward me. His hands lifted to my shoulders, his thumbs rubbing circles that normally soothed me. “You don’t really want to talk about this, do you?”
I looked into his face, the one that was even more familiar than my own. He had sandy-blond hair, similar to my color, but his held a bit of curl while mine hung long and straight. His green eyes had striations of brown that could only ever beseen from this close, a brown that also matched my own. It had always seemed like we fit together, like pieces of a puzzle.
Ever since he’d walked up to me when I was ten and asked me to swing with him on the playground, he’d held a part of my heart. I’d never stayed in one place long enough to have a friend before, but suddenly I had my foster parents and him. Now there was just him.
“Maybe I do want to talk about it,” I whispered, the words burning my throat. No, I didn’t. Did I? This was going to be too hard. I’d been avoiding this talk for nearly twelve years, ever since our friendship had turned into something more.
He sighed, releasing me. “Fine. Come on, let’s sit.” Instead of moving to the couch, where we spent most of our time, even eating dinners on TV trays, he pulled out a dining room chair for me.
I sat, watching him move around to sit across from me. The wood grain of the table made his hands seem paler as he set them on top, clasping them together. Our positions felt more like a business meeting than a conversation about our future.
“Are you sure about this? We can wait to talk,” he offered, his tone soothing. Like I was a frightened child.
My hands mimicked his, but my shoulders lifted toward my ears. “I think we’ve waited long enough, don’t you?”
He reluctantly nodded, licking his lips, one of his few nervous habits. “You know I love you. I’ll always love you. But with how things have been, I can’t picture marrying you, Hailey. You should understand why.”
I bit the inside of my cheek, tasting blood. My eyes dropped to the table. “Sex isn’t everything.”
“Between a married couple? Come on, Hails. Not even you believe that.” His hands lifted, his arms folding over his chest. If I looked up at his face now, it’d likely hold that stubborn jut to his jaw. I used to like to run my fingers over it when it got taut like that, teasing the tension out of him.
When was the last time I’d done that? When was the last time I’d instigated any type of touch between us? My shoulders pulled tighter.
