I’m going to stop putting my faith in people who don’t deserve it.
The wind sends tree branches swinging outside the car window. Another gust twists the stop sign next to me.
It’s Halloween, and Gwen’s giving me a ride home from a party. We celebrated with Joan’s friend—now boyfriend, I suppose—Lucas, and lots of their friends. It was lovely and festive, with strings of pumpkins and lights decorating his place. I’ve had a couple of pumpkin ales, so I’m feeling delightfully relaxed, and I’m dressed as a blue M&M to coordinate with my best friends as well as Joan’s sister, complete with a blue tutu and heels. Someone tried to talk me into orange, but I won’t be caught dead in Tennessee colors. I’m a Kentucky Wildcat girl through and through.
I’m also ignoring texts from Grant. Or not ignoring, really, but I’ve been giving him one-word responses. Our last meeting made it clear it wouldn’t work with us, and I knew that anyway. Our families would never go for it. I don’t trust people who’ve badly hurt me. Our work situation feels precarious. It’s a no-brainer, and I don’t know why I tried to convince myself otherwise. Now that his rotation is over, we can move on from each other. We had some hot sex. That’s all it was.
That’s what I’m telling myself, anyway.
I can be happy without a partner. I’ve got excellent friendships, a promising career, and a couple of supportive family members. I’ll be fine.
Gwen glances at me. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah. I’m all right.”
“You just don’t seem like yourself.”
I shrug, then decide to give her a little snippet of what’s been going on with me. Only Maria knows about Grant at this point, and I can’t bring myself to talk about it with Joan or Gwen. Joan would be great, actually, and she’s the best advice-giver I know, but I don’t want to feel the heat of anyone else’s judgment on me. “My dad really let me down yesterday,” I say instead. “He was supposed to meet me for dinner, and he stood me up. It’s not surprising, just disappointing.”
“I’m sorry, babe.” She sticks her bottom lip out. “If it makes you feel any better, all I do is argue with my own parents. We alternate between periods of radio silence and periods of out-and-out war.”
“Dad never fought with me,” I say. “He pretends to be interested in a relationship, then he flakes.”
“You deserve better than that.”
I stare out the window as we get closer to my apartment. “Remember how I was talking about stargazing recently? How excited I was about it? When I thought I might change careers?” I look up at the sky.
“Yeah. What are you looking at now? There’s only cloud cover.” She giggles. “How much have you had to drink?”
“Only enough to make me contemplative.” I turn back to her. “I sometimes like having the option to do something different.It feels like getting older just means more doors closing, more choices that aren’t available to you.”
“You sure you’re okay?”
“Yeah. Just hoping I’m making the right choices right now.”
“It’s always scary, committing to something. Or changing your mind about something. You reconsidering med school?”
“No. I think that’s my path.” I sigh. “Just an observation.”
She drops me off at my building with another concerned look in my direction. I reassure her that I am indeed okay and make my way to my first-floor apartment.
I stop short before I get to my door. Grant sits on the curb outside. His hair’s disheveled, like he’s been running his hands through it. He stands quickly when I approach.
“Kendall.”
“What are you doing here?”
“I needed to talk to you, and you weren’t answering me. I realize now how crazy that sounds. I’ll leave if you want me to. But I’m hoping you’ll give me a few minutes.”
“Okay. You can come in.” My eyes close for a moment. “I know we need to talk, anyway.”
Grant’s gaze snags on me, then he does a double take when he sees what I’m wearing as we walk into my apartment. “Good God. You look . . .”
“You like the slutty M&M look?” I shimmy a little, and he watches. A slow flush climbs his neck. “What else is Halloween for if not this kind of getup?”
I love how he looks right now. He’s wearing a hooded Kentucky sweatshirt and jeans, and the sight of him in his casual attire reaches somewhere primal in my brain and yanks, like I can’t help but be drawn to him in this relaxed state. A little beard scruff covers his jaw. He’s got that bleary-eyed, dark-circles-like-bruises look common to residents, like he’s a member of the undead on Halloween night. It doesn’t soundsexy, I know, but the fact he could be sleeping, and he’s here instead brings a rush of affection to the surface.
“Aren’t you freezing?” He scans my bare legs after I close the front door.
