“He was, when we were young. A good friend, at that. But we were children then, and now we are men. We’ve had decades to form our opinions on matters. Lassit and I do not share opinions on any number of things. You, in particular. For instance, I think you should be the master of your own household. I think you should be the master of your own time, and you should dispose of it as you see fit. I think you should be the master of your own body, and have whomever you choose in your bed. Or no one at all, if that’s your choice. Which I thought it was.”
Arden squirmed and muttered shyly, “It’s not.”
Jack leaned up, bringing him down for a light kiss. “I am glad, but if all you ever wanted from me was kissing, or simply to be held, I would be honoured to give you that. I would never ask for more.”
“You’d want it, though.”
“Yes. I won’t lie and pretend I wouldn’t. I want you, Arden. I’ll have you in any and every way I can. But only if you want me.”
Arden squirmed again. “I do.”
“And so you shall have me.”
“I am sorry, though,” Arden said, playing with the ends of Jack’s hair, twisting the short length around his fingers and tugging gently.
The innocent touch flashed Jack back to a hot summer decades ago. He and Lassit had been romping around in the woods behind Dalbryn Hall, doing gods knew what. Arden hadtagged along and, like the little shits they were, they’d left him behind when he couldn’t keep up.
Aloys had joined them. Jack, who never did get on with Aloys, had soon left the brothers, telling them that he was hungry and heading home.
He didn’t go home.
He was fifteen and on the cusp of presenting. Arden was eleven, and Jack had found him in the meadow that sat between the Hall and his own manor. Arden had been nestled in the long, wildflower-studded grass like a little leveret, lying on his stomach and scritching away in one of his sketchbooks. He was very into beetles back then, and there were plenty to be found.
Jack, tired and cross and in a mood to indulge the lonely little boy who’d followed him around every summer with big, beseeching eyes that said,Notice me. Please notice me. Please love me, had thrown himself down and let Arden proudly show him his latest sketches. He’d ended up with his head in Arden’s lap, napping in the sun for an hour or more.
Then, he’d viewed Arden as a sweet little creature, as gentle and childish as his younger siblings. Arden had played with Jack’s hair as if he couldn’t keep his hands off it, as if he was playing with one of his pets, or entertaining Dahli with her dolls.
Then, it had been innocent.
Now, it was not. At least not on Jack’s side.
Nausea rose alongside arousal in a bitter swell and he swallowed it down, unwilling to stop Arden. He never, ever wanted to turn Arden away when he’d reached out.
“Why are you sorry?” he asked roughly. “For going into heat?”
Arden nodded, avoiding his gaze even as he continued to play with a single lock of Jack’s hair, rubbing it between finger and thumb. “I didn’t know it could happen, or else…” He trailed off into an embarrassed silence.
“Or else?” Jack jostled him lightly.
“I wouldn’t have peeked at Beckett so much. If I’d known there was a risk.”
Jack relaxed back in the chair, smiling wide. “Ah, yes. Arden the voyeuristic rodent.” He laughed when Arden pushed at him. “Did you peek at Beckett a lot?”
Arden’s cheeks had gone that fierce pink again. “Yes.” He collapsed against Jack and buried his face in Jack’s neck, sending a pulse of delight through him. Quickly followed by arousal. Quickly followed by the nausea. Jack stiffened.
Arden noticed, of course.
Jack rubbed his sides soothingly. “Just the suppressants, sweetheart,” he said. “That’s all.” He caught Arden when he would have climbed off his lap, and kept him where he was. “How much did you peek at Beckett?” he said teasingly.
Arden moaned with embarrassment and put his hands to his cheeks. “So much,” he said. “He is very…isn’t he?…and I didn’t know…and of course Ineverimagined that we’d…thatwasn’twhy I was looking at him. Not once did I think we’d…” His words were tumbling over each other, and he sucked in a quick breath before continuing, “I just liked the way he looked and m-moved. And I like his voice. He’s interesting!”
“I feel the same.”
“I never registered that the only other man I’ve ever thought of that way is you.” He snapped his mouth shut and looked appalled, as if he’d revealed something Jack hadn’t been aware of for a long time.
“I am happy that you like the way Beckett looks and that he interests you,” was all he said.
“But you will please tell him that I won’t put him in this terrible position again, won’t you?”
