He glanced at me once. “So, what you in here for?”
“Ain’t nothin’ crazy,” I said ‘cause I wasn’t about to give him the whole story. “Niggas came to my shop playin’ with me. I handled it. The cops showed up, and here I am. I ain’t runnin’ from shit I did. I deal with whatever come behind it.”
He nodded slow, like that made sense to him. “You got people on the outside?”
“Yeah,” I said. “My wife. She pregnant. I found out while I was locked up, and that shit been sittin’ on me ever since.”
Kelli ain’t jump in. He ain’t say sorry or none of that weak shit. He just looked at me for a long second and took a pull, then passed it back.
“I get that,” he finally said. His voice dropped a lil’. “I had a girl too.”
I raised my eyebrow and listened.
“She got pregnant right before I got picked up,” he said, his eyes on the table. “She told me she was keepin’ it, and we talked about it like we was really gon’ do this shit. Then a couple weeks after I came in, I got a letter from her sayin’ she got rid of the baby.”
The room felt smaller, but he didn’t change his tone.
“She didn’t even tell me she was thinking about it,” he said. “She just did it. Said she couldn’t bring a kid into my world.”
I let the smoke out slow. “Was she white or black?”
“White,” he said. “Sweet girl too. Too sweet for the shit I came from.”
“Damn,” I muttered ‘cause there wasn’t nothin’ else to say.
He nodded once. “Yeah. Damn.”
I thought about Toni bein’ pregnant with my baby and how I damn near lost my mind the day I found out she was takin’ birthcontrol behind my back. I couldn’t imagine her killin’ my seed. The thought alone made my stomach twist.
“You think about it a lot?” I asked him.
“Every day,” he said. “I think about the baby more than I think about being free.”
I hit the blunt again and passed it back ‘cause there wasn’t nothin’ else to offer him but silence and smoke. He inhaled slow and leaned back, and for the first time since I met him, he looked like the weight actually sat on him.
For that hour, we just talked. Not about bullshit or about jail. We ain’t even talk about the drama that usually comes with bein’ locked up. We talked about life and family and the people we lost. We talked about the kind of men we turned into ‘cause of the pain we had to eat. And somewhere in the room, between the smoke and conversation, I realized he was just like me— tough on the outside and bruised on the inside.
The door finally opened, and the CO stepped back in with her arms folded.
“Kelli, wrap it up,” she said. “Next shift comin’.”
He stood up first and nodded at her like he respected her more than he should. Then he looked at me.
We walked back through the hallway with the same confidence he had when he led me here. He cut corners like he mapped the whole place in his head, and when we reached my cell, I stopped and held out my hand ‘cause I couldn’t even lie… this white boy had been solid.
He looked at it for a second before shakin’ it slow.
“Good shit,” I said.
“You’ll sleep better tonight,” he replied.
I stepped into my cell, and the CO closed the door behind me. For the first time since I got locked up, my body settled a lil’. Not fully, but enough for me to breathe without feelin’ like the walls was squeezin’ my chest.
Trill-Land High Court of Justice
Days later…
I stood in front of the judge with my auntie and my high priced ass lawyer, feelin’ like I been trapped in this same nightmare for a month straight, and the shit was gettin’ heavier by the day. The room was cold even with all the people packed inside, and I could feel eyes on me from every direction, but I kept my face forward and my hands at my sides. I wasn’t givin’ this Lennox nigga or any of his people the satisfaction of seein’ me fold.
