The nigga who wasn’t perfect at all and never would be, but he took care of me in ways nobody ever had, and not even close.
Since he came home, he had been all over me in the sweetest ways. He cooked even when the food was questionable, he rubbed my feet, he walked behind me everywhere with his hand on my back like he was my own personal security guard, and he refused to let me carry anything heavier than my phone. He ran baths for me when the nausea made me fold over the sink, and he would sit on the bathroom floor talkin’ to my stomach like the baby was gon’ answer him.
When the private OB came to the mansion a few days ago and he heard the baby’s heartbeat for the very first time, he held my hand like he was scared to let go, and that look on his face when the room filled with that lil’ flutterin’ sound did somethin’ to me I ain’t ever gon’ forget. Kay’Lo’s whole spirit softened, and he kissed my wrist like he was thankin’ God right there in real time.
And that night he made love to me like he needed to feel every piece of me just to process what he saw, movin’ slow and deep in me, kissin’ my face, whisperin’ how much he loved me,how he couldn’t believe our baby was growin’ inside me right now, and when we finally fell asleep he held me so tight my body ain’t shift once until mornin’.
He had been good these last few days, still crazy and chaotic in that way only Kay’Lo could be, but there was this calm under him too, like havin’ this baby made somethin’ in him settle for the first time, and I knew he felt it even if he didn’t say it out loud.
But that ain’t mean the fear wasn’t sittin’ in me.
That manic episode he had a week ago still lived in the back of my mind like a shadow followin’ me from room to room. I could still see him pacin’ down the hallway with his eyes wild and lost. I could still hear his voice break when he talked about shit that didn’t connect and could still feel how helpless it felt not knowin’ how to pull him back down. And even though he had been good since then, I couldn’t pretend it wasn’t there.
That’s exactly why I called Treasure and hoped Kwame would come too.
I needed clarity, and honestly, I didn’t give a damn if Kwame liked it or not.
I was done tryna prove to him that I loved his damn son because he knew I did. Everybody knew I did.
And the truth he’d been hidin’ about Kay’Lo’s diagnosis wasn’t gon’ disappear just cuz it made him uncomfortable.
I was still lettin’ all of that run through my mind when Kay’Lo walked up behind me. His presence always came in warm, like he carried heat under his skin. He stepped up close wearin’ that black silk shit with his chest showin’ just enough to make my whole body lean back into him without me even thinkin’. He wrapped his arms around my waist slow, lettin’ his hand slide down until it rested over my stomach, and the touch alone made my eyes close.
“You look good as hell,” he murmured with his lips near my neck, and the way he said it made heat spread through my whole body.
“We gotta start plannin’ our gender reveal, ‘Lo,” I said with a smile. “In like two and a half weeks I’ll be four months, so they’ll be able to tell us what we havin’.”
“I know,” he said, smirkin’ in that way that meant he already had somethin’ in mind. “I’m ready for it.”
The way he said it made me laugh under my breath.
“What you laughin’ at?” he asked while kissin’ a spot on my shoulder.
I turned to face him and pushed my hair back. “Cuz you know damn well why you don’t wanna have no boy.”
He stopped like he was confused. “Why I don’t?”
“Cuz you don’t wanna deal with another you runnin’ around this muthafucka,” I said. “You scared to see yourself outside your body. You know you wild, and you don’t wanna deal with a lil’ version of you arguin’, talkin’ crazy, throwin’ fits, breakin’ shit, lovin’ too hard, all that. You don’t want no taste of yo’ own medicine.”
He laughed, lickin’ his lips slow while shakin’ his head. “I ain’t say all that.”
“You ain’t have to,” I told him. “It’s written all on your face.”
He pulled me closer with both hands and kissed me deep, holdin’ my hips like he was remindin’ me I was his. When he pulled back, his eyes softened the way they only did when he was about to tell me somethin’ real.
“I talked to my lawyer this mornin’,” he said. “I gotta go to his office tomorrow.”
That familiar weight hit my chest, but I nodded anyway. “I’m goin’ with you.”
He searched my face like he needed to see if I meant it, and I did. I wasn’t lettin’ him go through none of this bullshit alone,trial or not. Even thinkin’ about it made my stomach twist. Kay’Lo’s mind was already a battlefield most days, and now with a baby on the way, the pressure was heavier on him than anybody else realized. But I wasn’t runnin’ from it.
I wasn’t closin’ my eyes and pretendin’ we wasn’t walkin’ straight into a storm. I was his woman and his baby’s mama and the one who had been with him through every version of himself, and I knew for a fact I was gon’ be standin’ right next to him through whatever came next.
Kay’Lo kissed my forehead, then my cheek, then my lips again before wrappin’ both arms around me and holdin’ me against his chest.
“You look too damn good,” he whispered. “Come on, let’s go downstairs. My mama on the way.”
I took one last look in the mirror at the woman starin’ back at me; the grown woman who wasn’t runnin’ from nothin’. The woman who wasn’t scared of lovin’ too hard, and who wasn’t shrinkin’ herself to make somebody else comfortable.
