I forced my eyes away from Echo’s face and looked around the parkin’ lot. I couldn’t see nobody near, but I ain’t trust nothin’ ‘cause you never knew who was lookin’ out a window or who was drivin’ by slow. I tightened my grip on the gunand turned my body away, then I started movin’ as fast as my pregnant ass could move.
Fast for me was still a waddle, and that pissed me off ‘cause my body felt like it was workin’ against me when I needed it most. My heart was beatin’ hard, and my stomach was rollin’. My mouth tasted like metal, and my throat felt tight. I crossed the street to where my car was parked, and the rain drenched me so bad I could feel it runnin’ down my back, but I ain’t care. I yanked the door open, slid inside, and pulled it shut like that was gon’ seal everything I just did outside.
My hands was shakin’ now. This was a deep shake, like my body was finally catchin’ up to my mind and realizin’ what happened. I looked down at my fingers and saw how tight I was squeezin’ the steerin’ wheel, then I looked at the gun in my hand like I ain’t know how it got here.
I had never killed nobody in my life…
I had screamed at bitches, and I had fought before. I had cussed muthafuckas out in public. I had been ghetto and reckless in my younger days, but I had never took a life. That wasn’t supposed to be me. That was Kay’Lo’s lane. That was the part of him everybody feared, and the part of him I tried not to think about too much ‘cause it was easier to love him when I focused on how he loved me.
Now I understood somethin’ I ain’t wanna understand.
I had it in me too…
That thought made my stomach flip. I put my hand over my mouth and swallowed hard ‘cause I felt like I was gon’ throw up. I sat there for a second just breathin’, tryna calm myself down.
The rain was heavy, and the roads was slick
As hell, but I drove. My adrenaline was pumpin’, and it made me feel sharper than I should’ve. My eyes was catchin’ every reflection and every shadow, every pair of headlights behind me. I kept checkin’ the mirror like I expected sirens to pop upoutta nowhere. My chest kept tighten’ and loosenin’ as I tried to control my breath.
I kept tellin’ myself I did what I had to do, and she deserved it. But then another voice crept in, quieter and colder, and it said I just ruined my life.
I pushed that voice down ‘cause I couldn’t afford to hear it right now. I needed to get home. I needed Kay’Lo. I needed to feel his arms around me ‘cause I ain’t know how to hold myself together without him.
By the time I got to the gate of our mansion, my whole body felt wrong. My mouth watered like I was about to throw up, my hands was sweaty, and my belly felt heavy in a way that scared me. I pulled up, the gate opened, and I drove through, but the second I got on the property, my vision blurred for a second and my stomach rolled again.
I pulled over, then I sat there with my head leaned back against the seat.
I needed Kay’Lo right now.
I grabbed my phone with shakin’ hands and called him. I ain’t even think about what I was gon’ say. I just called him like a little girl callin’ for her daddy.
He answered quick, and I could hear the edge in his voice already, like he knew somethin’ was off just from the way I called.
“Toni?” he said. “What’s wrong? Where you at?”
I tried to talk, but my throat locked up. All that came out was a broken sound, like my body was tryna cry and vomit at the same time.
“Baby,” he said, his voice sharper now. “Talk to me. What room you in?”
I swallowed hard and forced the words out. “I’m outside.”
There was a pause on the line that felt like his mind froze for a second.
“Outside?” he repeated, like he ain’t understand why I would be outside in this rain when he thought I was safe in the house.
I tried to breathe, but my breath came out ragged. “Kay’Lo,” I whispered, and my voice cracked.
He ain’t waste time askin’ questions. I heard movement, like he was already gettin’ up and movin’ fast.
“I’m comin’,” he said, and the line went quiet for a second like he was runnin’ and holdin’ the phone at the same time.
I stayed in the car for two more seconds, then my body finally forced me out. I opened the door and stepped out into the rain, and it hit me full force. My clothes stuck to me. My hair was already wet, and my shoes slid a lil’ on the driveway. I held the gun in my hand, and I couldn’t even believe I was standin’ on my own property like this.
I started walkin’ toward the house. My belly bounced heavy with each step, and I hated that I couldn’t move faster.
Kay’Lo came out the front doors in the rain like a storm himself with no umbrella, or hesitation. His shirt was already soakin’ through, his eyes sharp, and his whole body lookin’ like he was ready to kill whoever made me sound like that on the phone. He scanned the driveway fast, then his eyes landed on me, and the second he saw my face, somethin’ changed in his expression.
He walked fast toward me, and I met him halfway, my feet movin’ on instinct, and the moment I got close enough, my body broke. I started cryin’ so hard it felt like I couldn’t breathe, and I clung to him like he was the only thing keepin’ my ass together.
