“Hey.” I scoot between his legs. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“My parents didn’t think they would either. My boyfriend didn’t die on purpose. Sometimes people leave even when they don’t want to, and it’s just easier if…” His words trail off as he looks down at his hands.
He doesn’t have to finish.
“Okay, you’re right. I can’t promise that nothing will happen to me, but I can promise that if I’m ever gone from you it will be against my will.”
“That doesn’t help.”
“No, it doesn’t. I get it, babe, I do. I live the same way. These guys, they’re my family, and yeah, I get scared I could lose one of them, but when those fears rise up on me, I remind myself that they’re here now and this is more than I ever hoped for myself. Now, meeting you…” I blow out a breath to slow my word vomit.
“What?”
“The feeling I have now is worth anything I may have to feel later. Losing you would tear my heart out, but I haven’t lost you yet. I’m here. You’re here. I can’t promise tomorrow any morethan you can, but I can promise that only death could tear me away.”
A tear streaks down his cheek and he brushes it away. “Dammit, Specter. You weren’t supposed to be amazing.”
“Maybe that’s exactly what I was supposed to be.” I press his hand to my chest. “I’m crazy about you. The more I get to know you, the more I want to. I set my eyes on you and knew I’d do whatever it took to make you mine, and that desire hasn’t flagged at all. Not one bit. I don’t know if that’s what love is or if there’s even more depth to this feeling, but I’m all about it, babe. I’m all in, Cashmere.”
“Colson,” he whispers. “Call me Colson. Please.”
My heart pounds in my chest as I nod. “I’d be honored.”
He brushes his fingers across my cheek. “Do you have to go to work right now?”
I need to tell him the plan to find his stalker, but now isn’t the time. “No.”
“Want to shower with me?”
“The answer is always yes.”
A slight smile dances across his lips. “You’re a surprise, Specter. A needed one.”
I lean in and kiss him softly. “You’re fucking everything.”
CHAPTER 22
Colson
Is this real life?
I feel like I stepped out of mine and into this imaginary world where I finally get to have anything I’ve ever wanted. Waiting for the other shoe to drop is uncomfortable, but it’s not as bad as it was. Maybe with time it will go away completely? Could I hope for that?
Hope. What a word. I’ve been unfamiliar with it for more than a decade, but that’s the only way to explain the warmth in my chest, the lightness of my thoughts, and the desire to surrender to anything Specter wants from me.
It’s been two days since I had the most amazing sex of my life. I expected Specter to move into sex fiend mode once I gave it up completely, but he didn’t. He’s been incredibly affectionate, kissing me in sweet places all the time, carding his fingers through my hair, making sure I have everything I need and want at all times.
Now I find myself standing in the massive home gym, my leg propped up on my own barre. Unreal, this man.
“Thanks, man.” Specter’s voice reaches me as he enters the gym. When he rounds the corner, his gaze softens as his eyestake me in. “Yeah, I’ll see you later.” He ends his call, leaning against the stair railing. “Hi.”
“Hey. Do you want to see my routine for the special group?”
He shakes his head. “No, I want to see it when you’re onstage.”
I bite my bottom lip. “I don’t think you can be there. It’s a private reservation.”
His lips upturn. “Oh, you think I’m not gonna be there? That’s cute.”
