“Making you some tea.”
“Of course you are.” He rocks back and forth, staring straight ahead.
I want him to tell me what set him off so badly that I can taste it, but as brutish as I am, I know better than to try to force someone to talk. It’s happened to me too many times for me to inflict that on someone else. No matter how much I want to.
A few minutes later, I carry a steaming cup of tea to the love seat and set it down in front of Cashmere. He looks at it, twisting his lips, before turning that beautiful, tortured gaze to me.
“I don’t know how to accept you.” His voice is so soft I almost don’t hear him. “I don’t know how to let people in. It’s been safer not to, and I’m not convinced that it’s safe now. I don’t understand what you want from me, from all of this. I’m used to knowing. Men want to fuck me. That’s it. Maybe they want me on their arm as candy for a bit, but they don’t want me. All of me. I knew you wanted to fuck me and that’s something I can work with.” He shakes his head. “But you’re not satisfied with just having my body. Are you?”
I shake my head. “No.”
“And I don’t know how to deal with that. I figured running would be easier than trying to understand it.”
I nod, happy he’s opened up a little. “Maybe this will help. I’ve never felt like this about someone. Never wanted so desperately to touch another person in my life. My sex life is quick, dirty, and casual, and until a few months ago, it was enough. Then you walked out on that stage and my world shifted on its axis. I didn’t question it. Didn’t ask myself how far this wouldgo or what I hoped would happen. I just trusted that the feeling inside was there for a reason. I don’t need to understand it to know it’s real. I don’t need to know the future to appreciate now.”
I reach up and brush my fingers across his neck, and his breath hitches. “What I can tell you is that you’ve never been safer since your loss. I don’t want you to let go of any part of yourself for me. That’s the opposite of what I want.” I lean in close and press a kiss to his lips. “But, my beautiful man, if you think for one second I’m letting you go out into that cold, dark world again without my protection, you’re so damn wrong. While I’m breathing, I’ll be right beside you. Like it or not, you’ll get used to it.”
Cashmere stares at me, wide-eyed. “And if I leave anyway?”
“I’ll find you. Get used to it, gorgeous. You’re mine now. You belong to me. If you can’t see how good that is today, you will eventually.”
“Awfully into yourself, aren’t you?”
“If you mean that I know what I offer, then sure. Am I worthy of you?” I shrug. “Is anyone? But I’ll work harder than anyone else. I’ll be everything you need and all the things you want because I won’t settle for less than that, and neither should you. So yeah, I talk a big game because I plan to back it up.”
Cashmere searches my eyes, and his are filled with so many emotions and unspoken words, I swear I could dive into them and drown.
“I’ll stay on one condition.”
“Name it.”
“I need some time to myself. It’s fine if I’m still here, but I need time to think and process without you hovering over me.”
His request pricks at me but I nod. “There’s plenty of space in this house.”
“Okay.”
“Drink your tea before it gets cold.”
He nods, his spirit seeming much calmer than it was. As helifts the cup to his lips and blows on it, his eyes search mine. “I’ll try, okay? I’ll try to get used to accepting it.”
“Good enough for me, gorgeous.”
I’m tempted to remind him that he has no choice but acceptance. I won’t let him leave and neither will my brothers. He’s so used to being alone that he doesn’t remember what it feels like not to be.
Little did I know how smart it was that I held back from all the things I wanted to do to him tonight. It hurt to hold in my desires, but I sensed I would overwhelm him and I was right.
It’s okay though. I’ve got nothing but time. Cashmere will learn that he’s safe to be himself and pursue his goals and dreams. I’ve got his back.
And I’ll happily kill anyone who gets in his way.
CHAPTER 18
Colson
When I openmy eyes again, I can tell it’s morning even though the thick drapes in Specter’s bedroom block most of the light. I scrub my hand over my face as memories of my aborted escape plans return. I didn’t know where I was going, only that I had to gosomewhere.
Specter is intense, and for a guy so stoic, his overwhelming interest in me seeped into my skin until I wanted to crawl out of it. I’ve never met someone like him. He won’t let me leave, won’t let me run, and I can’t decide whether I like that or not.
