“I think I need some time to figure out my next steps,” I say, rubbing the back of my neck. I can’t help but feel frustrated that everyone seems to have a clearer idea of what’s happening than I do. “Maybe it’s time I move on. Maybe even go back to Aus.” Images of my Mum and my brothers flick through my mind and an unexpected warmth spreads throughout my chest.
“I hear they’ve got a pretty good reef there,” Mason deadpans.
“Plenty of turtles. Maybe even some of our guys.” Mike nods.
“Alright, alright. Message received. I’ll see you guys later. Thanks, Vic.” She nods at me, fingers pressed against her lips.
I jog back to the bungalow, feeling the sand between my toes as thoughts race through my mind. The deep croaks of the tokeh lizards follow me the entire way, a night song I’ve grown used to. I’ve been such a fool. I didn’t trust her to choose me. I didn’t trust myself to handle it if she didn’t.
I sit on the edge of the bed, itching to call Junie and tell her what I’m thinking, but I don’t want to confuse her. She has her sister’s divorce to deal with, her own decisions to make. I don’t want toadd to the pressure by telling her that my time on Gili Telu might be wrapping up soon. That she’s changed everything.
I look around the little house I’ve rented for the last few years and I’m reminded of her huge flat, filled with clothes and furniture and heaps of decorations. My rooms look like a prison in comparison. How could I expect a girl like her to give everything up to see the world with me?
She doesn’t have to do that. She’s better off without me.
But she’s given me a gift; she’s given me my dream back. Even if I’ve blown it with the woman I’ve fallen in love with, I’m not going to waste the lessons she’s taught me.
My story doesn’t end here. I’m leaving Gili Telu and I’m sailing around the world.
Chapter 31
Junie
The next morning, I tell Lisa to take everything. She can stay in Grannie’s house as long as she needs. She can keep my stuff, or sell whatever she doesn’t want. I’m letting it all go.
I make a couple thousand dollars selling my car online, I say a tearful goodbye to my parents, and Eva, then I pack a single suitcase and have Lisa drive me to the airport.
“I finally heard what you’re saying. I want to be here for you, but me hovering around is not what you need.” I say, handing her the keys with a sense of finality.
“I do need your help. But you can’t use me as an excuse not to do the next big thing in your life.”
That one stings for its honesty. I’ve blamed David. I’ve blamed my parents. But the person holding me back from living the life I wanted all these years, is me.
Lisa takes what she wants and leaves no prisoners. She may not be exactly where she wants to be in life, but it’s clear that she lives it with no regrets and she will raise her daughter to be the same way.
“It’s scary,” I finally admit, the word seeming to vibrate within me. “This is a new start for both of us.”
“It is.” She nods. “But it’s also pretty fucking cool. We’ll have to get Luna’s passport just in case.”
I wiggle my baby niece’s toes through her tiny little socks. I picture her strapped to Lisa’s back with a colorful sarong like the women I’ve seen in Indonesia.
“That would be amazing,” I say, straightening up and giving my sister one last hug. The image in my mind shifts to me holding my own baby like that some day. “You’re a great mom. You’re doing what’s best for both of you.”
“Thank you,” she says, then her face scrunches together. “You’re not going to cry again, are you?”
My chest cracks open, the ache to be with Steven again is almost unbearable. I’ll miss my family, but they don’t need me here, and for once I want to follow the call of my heart and take a blind leap.
I told him I was coming back, but I don’t think he realizes yet that I’m actually on my way. For good.
*****
When I step off the boat a full day later, he’s waiting on the dock.
I’ve been delirious with energy for hours—every moment bringing me closer to him. Excitement and love kept me bubbly and awake until now, but as I wait for him to see me, I feel a flicker of anxiety.
His eyes find mine and my breath catches in my chest. I melt all over again as he pushes through the tourists and flying luggage to pull me into his arms and kiss me deeply, wildly. He dips me over his arm, his mouth burning me like a brand until I swoonbeneath him. The sweep of his tongue against mine is a claim. I’m hot all over.
Slowly, he sets me back on my feet, holding me in his arms so gingerly it’s as if he thinks I might fade away.
