“Yeah,” I say, feeling a little defensive. “But nothing I can’t handle. What about all the people who miss you?”
He stiffens a little. I regret my words instantly, not liking the change in him.
“Aye, I haven’t seen my family in a while either. That’s why I know how hard it can be to leave. It’s much harder than staying gone.”
“Are you saying I shouldn’t go back?” My head whirls to face him, looking deep into his eyes for the answer. Is he asking me to stay permanently?
“No, of course not. You’ve got things to take care of. You can’t just run away. When I left, I was prepared to sail around the world for a year or more. I don’t have a lot of strings tying me back there. Or anywhere, really. It’s good that you’ve got roots.”
“Right,” I say, finding his hand and lacing our fingers together. Why does it feel like we’re talking past each other? Does he want me to stay? Is he telling me to go? His thumb rubs against my hand, warming me up. My nakedness suddenly feels like too much vulnerability. I stand up. “Should we get dressed and head back to the hotel? Or was there something else you wanted to show me today?”
“We can head back.” His arm grazes mine as he pulls on his shorts, but there’s none of the usual sizzle of heat. “I’d love to grab a shower before dinner.”
I’m suddenly exhausted. My body is heavy, aching where the water pummeled me, and my heart feels drained and empty too. The long walk and ride back are too quiet. My arms are wrappedaround him, my chest flush against his back, but he feels a million miles away.
Chapter 22
Steven
I’m an idiot. Junie came out of that waterfall looking like a goddess, and I said all the wrong things. She wanted to talk about the future, but I couldn’t face it.
I don’t think she was lying, I just know how it goes. She has no idea how many people swear they’ll come back to the island, but once they return to the comforts of home, the long plane ride, the ticket prices, or the pull of the rat race sucks them back in. Living in paradise just isn’t realistic for most people. I’m not even sure it’s working for me anymore.
So I smiled and I agreed with her and I told her I’d look forward to it, but I know she saw through my bullshit. I’m not good at pretending, and I don’t want to be—I don’t want to pretend that when she leaves in a week, it won’t break me. I don’t want to pretend that she hasn’t taken over me, body and soul. I always knew she had to go. I knew the deal and I dove in head first anyway. I have no one to blame but myself.
I thought this break in Bali would feel like a mini-holiday, but after the waterfall, we’re both exhausted. I’ve been looking forward to treating her to a nice dinner, seeing her get all dressed up and eating food we can’t get on Gili Telu—but we endup ordering takeaway through the Grab delivery app and eating in the hotel room with the TV on.
Sex that night is quiet and desperate. There’s a deep yearning inside me that I can’t satisfy, no matter how close I crush her body to mine. I feel frantic, trying to memorize every part of her—the way her sighs break into gasps when I touch her right there, the way her eyelashes flutter against my skin, the little twitches as she’s falling asleep in my arms.
We made love like we’re never going to see each other again and it’s breaking my heart into a million pieces. Every time I take a breath, I think the pain of it will shatter me. I watch her sleep all night. The hum of the aircon is louder than her tiny snores.
She doesn’t belong here, and when she returns to her real life, she’ll realize that too. The reverse culture shock of going back home will make her time here feel like a dream. Soon, I’ll be a holiday memory. A footnote in the summer she saved sea turtles in Indonesia.
I’m not dismissing the growth she’s had here. She’s changed so much in a few weeks, something I’ve been trying to do for three years. I was just spinning my wheels in the sand until she showed up. Always saving that sailing trip for “some day” that might never come.
She isn’t the type of woman to run away. When she gets home, she’ll take over her life with the same brutal efficiency she uses to manage the sanctuary’s social media calendar. She’ll find a new path—one more aligned to who she is inside. I truly believe she’ll never dim her shine again, and I’m proud that I got to watch her rise.
She inspires me. Watching her kick so much ass, I’ve been wondering if it’s time for me to think about moving on too.When Naomi left, I shut down and took off without a plan—but I was just a kid. I was hurt. And I’ve been licking my wounds for long enough.
I don’t know what my next move will be yet, but it’s time I start making it. I watch her chest rise and fall in sleep, these thoughts swirling around my head.
Of course I don’t fucking want her to go, are you kidding me? But she has to. And the reality is, she probably isn’t coming back—regardless of her good intentions. It’s not so easy to just pack up your life and leave with no guarantees. I learned that the hard way. I’m not going to get my hopes up just to have them crushed again.
We’ll stick to the plan. Make these last few days together memorable. No future plans. No promises. Just us, here, now. That will have to be enough.
In the morning, my eyes are crusted over with sleep. I’m exhausted.
“Hey sleepyhead.” Her smile is soft. I notice she’s already packed her bag.
“Hey.” I rub my face and sit up. “How’d you sleep?”
“Okay.” She shrugs, like it’s not.
“Come here.” I open my arms and she climbs back into bed, nuzzling against me like a cat. Things between us feel sharp and fragile. I hate it. “Yesterday felt kind of off,” I say, wincing at the awkwardness.
“Yeah, I felt that too.”
“Can I…” I take a deep breath, hold, then let it out. “Can I tell you about how I ended up on Gili Telu?”
