Someone gasps. Maybe it was him, maybe someone watching, since there’s an entire audience of people witnessing this pathetic meltdown. But I can’t stop…
Vision blurred with tears, I’m fucking buckling in rage and shame and… the most awful,torturouslove ever.
“Stop,” he growls, voice uneven and infinitely raspier than usual. “Stopcrying, Angel, and fucking kill me or I swear to God…”
“You swear to Godwhat??” I choke. “You’ll kill yourself? No, you won’t do that because you’re too selfish. You’re too much of a narcissist to kill yourself, and too fucking scared to admit that you don’t need any of this as much as you need love, so you’re trying to gaslight me into killing you…”
“Because you should kill me!” He roars.
“I know, but I can’t!” I sob. “I’ve tried and I justcan’tfucking do it! Iknowit’s what you deserve, but I just… I can’t kill you, Diablo… I’m sorry…”
Crying, wheezing and grappling to stay upright, I let the tears fall, because I don’t care.
I can’t do this anymore.
The Ivory is just kneeling in front of me, in the dirt. Fuming, I can see it. But he’s also petrified and miserable; I can’t see that too. Chest moving up and down, his fingers twitch at his sides. But he doesn’t reach for me. He’s leaving me to break down and gasp for air because ofhim. That’s who he is.
A fucking monster. I know it’s not all of him, but I’m fearing that it’s more dominant than the rest. That Manuel Blanco will never be strong enough to overpower The Ivory.
And I’m just a foolish little bird… Crushing on this horrible, treacherous man since I was a child, when all along, he’s been exactly who he is.
ElfuckingDiablo.
He fed me lines, that manipulation he spews so well, and despite how rotten it tasted, I swallowed it all anyway. I feel pathetic, and it’s winding up my every insecurity, bringing them all to center stage.
“Angel, I…” he croaks while I blink away tears that tumble down my cheeks. The mound of his throat bobs. “I’m alone for a reason…“
“I know that,” I snap. “Youdeserveto be alone forever, Diablo. I’m not stupid.”
“I know you’re not,” he mumbles. “And you deserve more—”
“But I don’t want more, I want you!” I snarl, the helpless resentment taking over until I’m burning pure wrath.
Grabbing a fistful of his silky white hair, I yank him forward, pressing the blade up to his throat.
“There you go, pajarito,” he rasps. “Do it. Fucking kill me.”
“I’ll fucking do it…” I teem.
“Do it.”
“I’ll do it!”
We’re staring at one another, eyes locked, conveying all the frustration in the world for this sick fucking need. The toxic chemistry, the hate, the fierce all-consuming devotion neither of us can sever no matter how hard we fight and how much we bleed…
This love is a fuckingbloodbath.
“Ugh!” I shove him back, ripping the knife away with an impotent roar. “Why are you like this?! Why can’t you just—”
“Just what?” He grunts, visibly vibrating himself. “What do you want from me, niño??”
“I want… I just… want…” I stammer, exhausted to my core from all of this.
I could collapse. The last three weeks have taken years off my life.
He cocks a light brow at me, and I rub my eyes.
“For you to be… normal,” I plead. “I want a normal fucking life, and I can’t have it! You ruined that for me, because you ruin everything!”
