“Oh… perfect. You too,” he grunts, straightening and scrubbing a hand over his face. “And let me guess, you think I should justsurrenderto the demands of every traitorous asshole who tries to steal what’s rightfully mine?”
I simply blink.
But he’s not done.
“Escucha, niño… You would have noideawhat goes into running an operation of this magnitude. You have noconceivable clue what it’s like to rule this kingdom. My kingdom, mind you.Mine, not his. Iearnedit. I fuckingbuiltthis through blood, sweat and goddamn sacrifice, but I wouldn’t expect you to understand that, because you watched your father—may he fuckingrot—inherit an empire simply by being the fastest swimmer in your lying, thieving, murderous abuelo’s fucking ballsack.
“When you create something with your bare fucking hands, you don’t just let people come in and take it. Youfightwith everything you have because it belongs to you. Thankless or not… It’s not about being liked, or being nice or sweet or fucking coddling people. You become the bad guy becausesomeonehas to, si?? So let them hate me, because I’mfine.Oyes??I’m fucking fine withno onein the goddamnworldunderstanding what’s happening in my heart! As far as you’re all concerned, I’m fuckingheartless, anyway, so what does it matter?! It has to be that way, and I’mfinewith it. In fact, Ipreferit. Me encanta porque es muy facil… Be the bad guy so they have someone to blame when they need it.
“But that meansneverbeing good, entiendes?? You don’t get both… I don’t get to just behappy, or relax orstop, ever! Even if I wanted to… even if it’s slowly sucking the life out of me like a goddamn vampire, it doesn’tmatter. Because I chose this!Imade myself this, and there’s no going back! You can’t go back…
“So you just carry that burden until itbecomesyou. It becomeswho you are, solid as fucking ivory.Nosurrender,noremorse,nofuckingmercy! That’s what no one understands… you all think this is something I can justgive up. Like I can just stop… well Ican’t!Because itisme. Iamthe Alpha and the Omega in this world, pajarito, chained to this empire forever! Until I breathe my last breath,thisis what I am. Fuck it. It’sallthat I am… es todo estoy.Siempre…”
He finally pauses to gulp. “When you’re the villain in everyone else’s story, you have to be the villain in your own… whether you like it or not.”
By the time his tirade is through, he’s panting like he just ran a marathon. Eyes so hardened into hunks of coal, displaying only an unbridled, malicious fury. Tormented vulnerability buried so deep, you’d need to chisel away for years to uncover them.
But I know it’s there, and it weighs so heavily on my chest, I can barely breathe.
I can’t speak.What could I say to that?
He just unloaded a metaphorical magazine of hollow-pointed hatred right at me. I’m bleeding and full of bullet holes.
The thing is, I know that wasn’t about me. It’s pretty clear that’s been building for quite some time… Probably more than a decade. And even that little rant was a light drizzle compared to thehurricaneI’m sure he has stored up inside. He controls it almost too well, but you see it breaking loose in things like the violence, this war…
It’s all just a means to an end. Feeding his contempt for this life he’s woven himself into so deeply, he’ll never tear himself free.
When he realizes what he just did, his face goes a bit ashen, throat dipping visibly. I clear mine, glancing down at my fingers as they twist in my lap.
Thisis the man I love…
Jesus Christ. I actually love him.
Admitting it for the first time, even just in my heart, is so suffocating I think I might pass out. Because I know for a fact, there isnoway he will ever let me out of this cage. Even if he physically allows my body to leave at some point, he will always keep me locked up in his life.
I’ll remain forever a prisoner to the agony of loving him… A cage that has no key.
The Ivory is visibly tight as he reaches into his pocket, pulling out the knife. He stares at it for a moment before placing it on the bed in front of me.
“The next time I see you, I expect you to be ready to use this,” he speaks steadily, frighteningly calm, though overflowing with so much sorrow it hurts my ears. “I’m serious, Angel. You will kill me, because you have to. It’s why you’re here.”
I gulp, pressure building inside my skull, so tight I could pop. He turns and stalks away. And I watch him with tears welling in my eyes. Slamming the door and locking it.
Leaving me to sit and stare and cry silently until it all dries up. And I’m just numb.
For hours, I’m in a fog, moving on autopilot. Taking a shower and getting dressed, shuffling around my cage like a zombie with his words replaying in my brain over and over and over again. A song of hopeless heartache.
Whether I want to or not, I slip the knife into my pocket.
“Good little bird. Be ready to use it…
You will kill me, because you have to. It’s why you’re here.”
It doesn’t occur to me until the sun slips away that I haven’t eaten all day. No one’s brought me any food. Not that I have an appetite, but my stomach is rumbling.
It’s odd.Where is Kent?
There’s some commotion happening in the conservatory. I can hear voices, people scattering. It goes on for a while, but of course I can’t see anyone or make out what they’re saying. Eventually, I just sit down on the floor and hug my knees to my chest. Curling up and waiting for the inevitable moment when he comes back… and expects me to kill him.
