“Twenty-four is so old,” Priya moans.
Rowan laughs again. “I guess it seems pretty far away from where you are now.” She hitches her bag up, settling it more comfortably on her back. “You might have overheard this the other day, but I never finished university. And… it was because I had a breakdown. And I lost all the friends I thought I’d made. A lot of people called me weird then, too. Because I stopped wanting to do the same things they did, like partying and drinking, and because I wore these bright colours that didn’t fit what they think is cool.”
Now it’s my turn to struggle not to run ahead. I can hear the sadness leaking out of Rowan. Can imagine her at twenty, lost and friendless and alone.
Rowan takes a depth breath. “It hurt a lot, at the time. But later I realised that those weren’t the right people for me. They weren’t my people. Because my people would never have called me weird, and my people would have stuck with me through thick and thin. And I know that, because that’s what the people in my life do now. So I know this feels awful, Priya, and you deserve so much more than some rude boy who throws eggs at you – but you are special, and you are smart. And maybe a bit weird, too. But so are the best people. And one day you’re going to find people who are weird in the same way as you. And they’re going to love you, okay?”
“Youarea bit weird,” Priya says after a long silence.
“I know.”
“And you talk a lot.”
Rowan chuckles ruefully. “I do.”
Priya turns, her profile framed by the sun. “Will you be my friend, Rowan?”
Rowan wraps an arm around Priya’s shoulders and pulls her close. “Yeah, kiddo. I will.”
At that, Lila can’t contain herself anymore and runs down the path towards them, flinging herself on her daughter and picking her up, bag and all.
“MUM!”
“I love you, you little weirdo!” Lila shouts, loud enough that it disturbs another flock of birds in the grass. They take flight in one, fluttering rush. “Look at you making friends!”
“You are literally the most embarrassing person I have ever met. Mum! Put me down!”
“Make me!”
And she swings Priya around and around and around, until Priya protests that she is going to be sick, and both women collapse on the ground. Rowan watches them, her expression torn between joy and a quiet sadness. I’ve noticed this look before, as if the melancholy is a constant companion.
She catches my eye. Her expression doesn’t change. She lets me see it: all of it, and something new passes between us. Something raw, and aching, and real.
I want to run.
Because if I’m not careful, I’m going to fall for this messy, big-hearted, kaleidoscope of a woman.
And it will hurt like hell when I hit the ground.
Chapter Sixteen
Rowan
After lunch – a steaming bowl of leek and potato soup and a flaky, golden sausage roll – we groaningly replace our packs and stagger onwards, past the Kingshouse Hotel and along a seemingly endless road towards what has been dubbed the Devil’s Staircase. My body aches, but I’m used to that now, used to the stabbing pain between my shoulders, and the red-raw rubbing over my hip bones and the throbbing of my blisters.
This is one of the longest days, and I can feel it in every lumbering step. I want to lay down on the grass and watch the clouds scud by. I want to be in the park with a cone of pistachio ice cream. I want my own soft bed, and to crawl under my duvet and sleep for a year.
I want to be anywhere but here. And, yet, this is the only place I want to be. Walking with Lila and Priya and Angus. Testing my limits. Meeting the challenge.
Even if the challenge hurts like fuck.
I can’t remember the last time that I’d been in this much pain. I can’t remember the last time I’ve fought so hard not to give up.
It feels good.
When we set off again, Angus takes point, striding away on his strong, long legs. Lila and I follow, while Priya dances behindus, picking daisies from the side of the road and stringing them into chains that she places on first my, then Lila, and then even Angus’ head.
“So why the West Highland Way?” Lila asks. The path curves left, skirting the foothills of a slope I’m sure is far too steep to climb. I really hope something changes before we reach the Devil’s Staircase, as there is no way I’ll be able to make it up that, not even if I crawl.
