“Why can’t you just believe me when I tell you that I didn’t know about my mother?” She takes a step toward me. “You know me…you do.”
“Do I really?”
“Of course you do. Even if I’d told you as soon as you came to yesterday, even then, you would have looked at me like you are right now. You would have pushed me away. It’s why I hesitated. I shouldn’t have because it has given you the excuse you need.” Her chin lifts despite the tears. “I don’t think that you are capable of trust and therefore I don’t think that you are capable of…”
She stops.
“Of what, Isla? Spit it out.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
I know what she was going to say. The word hangs between us, unspoken but as loud as if she’d shouted it. I want her to say it. I want to hear it from her mouth, even though I have no idea what I’d do with it.
“Tell me,” I demand.
“Love, Sebastian. I don’t think you are capable of love. Are you happy now?”
I’m not. Not even close.
“You aren’t capable of trust or of love, and I feel sorry for you.” She wipes her eyes. She shakes her head. More tears fall, but her gaze holds mine without wavering. “I can see that I’m not going to be able to change your mind on this. Believe what you want.” She brings her hand up and presses it flat against her heart. “I know the truth.”
My chest goes tight. My throat closes. For one terrible moment, I feel as though I’m the one who has done something unforgivable.
I push it down. I bury it.
I turn and walk away from her before I do something stupid.
33
Isla
The water in the washbasin is cold. It feels good against my heated skin.
I cup it in my palms and bring it to my face, letting it run down my cheeks and drip from my chin.
I need to pull myself together.
There was never going to be a forever with Sebastian. I had hoped that we could part ways as friends, at least.
Sebastian’s words play over and over in my head. The way he looked at me. The ice in his voice. The distance in his eyes.
I knew this would happen. I knew it from the moment I saw my mother on that battlefield. From the moment I realized who she was and what it would mean. I knew that Sebastian would believe the worst. That he would see betrayal where there was none.
A part of me understands. If the situation were reversed, would I not question everything, too? His parents were murdered. He was betrayed by someone he loved as a boy. Trust does not come easily to a man like that.
But understanding does nothing to dull the anger simmering beneath my grief. I dip my hands back into the basin and scrub at my face, harder this time. My skin stings from the cold and the force of it.
He didn’t even try to believe me. He heard the words and made up his mind in a heartbeat. Everything we have been through, everything I have risked, meant nothing. He looked at me like I was the enemy.
Maybe I should have told him sooner. I know that now. The hesitation was my mistake. But would it have mattered? I don’t think so. I think he was looking for a reason to push me away. Looking for proof that he was right to keep me at a distance.
Well, he has it now.
I wash my naked body, shivering. I try hard not to think about him.
I finish washing and then dry quickly.
I turn to the pile of clothing Terra left. There are several options. Simple breeches and tunics in muted colors. A dress or two, as well. I choose quickly, pulling on a pair of dark breeches and a loose gray tunic.
