‘Your deal,’ I said.
He nodded.‘Fifteen years ago, once my eyes healed, she called me to a private audience with her.We both knew I’d built a resistance to her glamour, and for one of her inner circle to turn on her was a sign of weakness.She tried to negotiate my obedience.I begged her for freedom.
‘I thought she would refuse outright, but she asked why and I told her the truth.Those weeks in the dark left me with nothing but time to think about the life I’d wasted.I realised I wanted to return to Rostenburg, fix what I’d abandoned and become the prince Leopold was never able to be.I wanted my life to leave a positive impact on the world, not to be an eternal blight of suffering and debauchery.
‘And even after everything, I still wanted to know love.Reallove, not the tainted, cruel thing she and the court had to offer.This seemed to amuse her, so we made a deal.
‘I was permitted to leave court for fifteen years so long as I could prove by the end of the century that I could love and be loved bysomeone who knew what I was.At the end of those years I would be summoned back to court, and when that person declared their honest love for me in front of her, she’d allow me to leave court for good.If I failed, I would return to court and pledge my unwavering obedience to her for eternity.
‘So I tried.I searched for years for someone, anyone who could stand to be around me, but unlearning three hundred years of being a monster is no easy feat.’Raleigh trailed off and stared at his hands.‘I courted others before you, but I suppose you already know how that turned out.No one but Moira could stand to look at me once they knew what I was.’
I dragged my hand away.‘So you found someone who couldn’t refuse.’
‘Clara …’
All of the pieces began to fit into place.Why he treated me so sweetly when he made it so clear last night how he really felt.Why he lavished me with gifts.Why he made the deal with me to find a cure, to give me the illusion of choice.It was all a seduction; he needed me to love him.
And the worst part was that it had worked.
‘Two birds with one stone,’ I said bitterly.‘You got to punish my father, and you won yourself a bride who couldn’t say no.’
‘You were a mistake,’ Raleigh said.
And with those words, my entire world fell apart.
‘Howdare you.’I was on my feet, blood pounding.‘Aftereverything?’
‘Becauseof everything,’ Raleigh said.‘What I did to you was exactly what she did to me.That’s why I left to find Enrique.’He took a breath.‘I gave you every opportunity to escape while I was away.I wrote to you to make sure you knew I was gone.And when I gave you the choice in Orlfen, you weren’t supposed to come back.’
‘You didn’t give me a choice then,’ I pointed out.‘You said you’d still marry me regardless.’
‘Do you think the Queen hadn’t heard of our engagement by then?’
Of course.I’d found the burnt remains of her letters before I returned to Orlfen.
‘I was giving you time to get as far from here as possible.Don’t pretend you didn’t know that – you’re far smarter than that.’
He was right.Even at the time I’d known it was long enough to escape, but I hadn’t believed it was a real opportunity.I thought he would try to find me if I ran.
‘I brought your horse back,’ Raleigh continued, ‘I gave you a map to a cathedral where the clergy know exactly what I am and I gave you enough money to buy passage anywhere in the world.I gave you every opportunity to escape, and you kept.Coming.Home.’
I felt like I was underwater.‘You should have told me.’
‘I’m telling you now,’ Raleigh said.‘This is your last chance.You still have two months.Take whatever you need from the castle, take Sovereign and run.Get on a boat.Go to America, New Holland, anywhere.Go, and save yourself.’
He meant it.After all these months I was completely free.He would never force me down the aisle, never take my life.All I had to do in exchange was condemn him to the same fate from which I’d just been freed.
It was another impossible choice.Was this part of his plan too?No.Nestled into the settee, Raleigh’s frame felt smaller than ever.His gaze dipped, his lashes casting shadows over his expression.Hope had abandoned him; he really meant it.No matter where I went, he would never trouble me again.
‘You said she gave you fifteen years,’ I said.
‘Yes,’ Raleigh said.‘That’s why I gave you until the new year to find a cure.I knew I’d have to return to court then, no matter what.’
‘But you didn’t leave in the new year,’ I said.‘You were in Orlfen for the autumn festival.That was last week.’
‘She said the end of the fifteenth year,’ Raleigh said.‘She may not know how to love, but she’s still a romantic.She wouldn’t choose a number like fifteen if there wasn’t a more significant milestone.If this is the fifteenth year, that means December.The end of the century.’
‘Unless sheplannedfor you to reach that conclusion.’
