I’d never once felt that He looked down on me or Alessio, or anyone who chose to love another human, with anything other than His all-encompassing love. It never felt wrong to me, and that was a belief held by several other, more progressive leaders in the church. Things wouldn’t change anytime soon, but maybe…one day.
“Lucien and Kai, in the sight of God and these witnesses, I now pronounce you husbands,” I said, their smiles lighting up the night and making my own lips curve.
Lucien’s hands went to Kai’s face as he stared lovingly down at him and whispered something I couldn’t hear before kissing him again, a lingering, deep embrace that continued even as their loved ones stood and began to clap and whistle their approval.
As happy as I was for them, I felt my own heart clench, and then my body betrayed me, my eyes searching out Alessio once again.
But just like every other time tonight, he wasn’t looking back at me.
THE RECEPTION WAS as low-key as the ceremony, just the way the two grooms had wanted it. Soft music played in the background and conversation flowed between guests, all the laughter and ease that came from such an intimate group.
I’d already tried to leave once, but Kai had stopped me, asking me to stay with those puppy-dog eyes, and again I couldn’t say no. I’d been seated at the table on the opposite end to Alessio, and I wondered if that was at his request.
Of course it was, I didn’t kid myself over that fact, but how could he bare his soul and then pretend it had never happened? Didn’t he know how deeply his words had been seared into my very marrow? Was it all a lie? Was it regret? Embarrassment?
“That was a good thing you did tonight, father,” Shep said from where he sat to my right beside his husband, Theo. Both were fellow Kings of Alessio’s, both whose secrets I would take to my grave—and there were many. Things that would shock the world if they knew what the former U.S. president’s son and the Prince of Monaco got up to when they weren’t in the public eye.
“Sorry?” I said, pouring another glass of sparkling water into my wine glass.
“Doing this ceremony for them. I’m guessing the others at St. Andrews aren’t aware you’re here?”
I shook my head. Shep was always too perceptive for his own good. “It’s a bit of a sticking point, unfortunately.”
“That’s a shame. But I know Lucien and Kai are really glad you’re here. We all are.”
Except Alessio,I thought, but didn’t dare voice out loud. I automatically looked to where he sat, only to find the chair empty. Quickly scanning the gardens, I caught sight of him slipping behind a row of tall hedges alone and felt the insane urge to go to him.
Only Shep was looking at me, waiting for my response, and I forced a small smile. “I’m happy to be here too,” I said, bringing the linen napkin in my lap up to my lips. “Excuse me for a moment.”
“Of course.”
No one was looking my way as I stood up and headed in the direction of the restrooms—which also happened to be near the hedges where Alessio had disappeared.
It was the last thing I should do, I knew that, but before I could talk myself out of it, I’d slipped behind the tall greenery and immediately spotted him.
At the far end of the narrow walkway, Alessio stood by the railing in a shadowed corner after quietly removing himself from the festivities.
It wasn’t so different from when we were boys. While he’d always been the outgoing one of the two of us, he’d always liked to have a quiet space of his own to retreat into—and it seemed now was no different.
I moved closer toward him, wondering if I should announce myself, but as if he could sense me standing there, Alessio turned to look over his shoulder.
The second our eyes locked, my feet froze and my breath caught around the lump that had formed in the back of my throat, and it wasn’t until he looked away that I could breathe again.
Go back to the reception,I told myself as I stared at his back, his message loud and clear.He doesn’t want you here.
I stood there waiting for him to turn back around and acknowledge me in some way. But he remained steady and silent in his dismissal of me, and that had me practically screaming inside.
I was about to turn around and head back to the rest of the group when I saw his shoulders shift from his indrawn breath. “Go home, Rafael.”
His request was soft, but the words firm, and while I knew I should honor them, I couldn’t bring my feet to move, even as my chest tightened. “Alessio?—”
“Isaid,” he cut me off, and turned his face to the side so I could hear him clearly, “go home.”
“I tried. Kai wouldn’t let me.”
He let out a low curse and turned to look out at the buildings surrounding us. “Then go away from me.”
The words were designed to hurt. To be a stab in the heart. And while they hit their target with unerring accuracy, they didn’t quite ring true.
