I nodded once, ready to be done with this conversation. “Fine. Congratulations.”
Like he’d sensed it was safe to reemerge, Lachlan lifted his almost-empty glass toward Lucien. “Yeah, congrats. But you’re not going to make us groomsmen or some shit, right?”
Lucien grinned. “No chance in hell.”
“Thank God.”
Here he was again. God. Sticking his nose in where he wasn’t wanted.
“Anyone want to hit the bar?” Lachlan said, getting to his feet.
Lucien glanced at his watch. “Yeah, Kai won’t be done with work for another hour.”
I was tempted to roll my eyes, becausefuuuck. These two were so whipped for their guys that they scheduled their days around them. I fucking hated it. Almost as much as I hated the fact that I couldn’t do the same.
“Better get the hell out so you can be home before curfew, then,” I muttered, waving them off and flopping back in my chair.
“You should come with,” Lachlan said, kicking my booted foot. “You could use another drink.”
“Trust me, that’s the last thing I need.”
He shrugged and left his empty glass on the corner of my desk. “Your loss. But we’ll circle back to this whole”—he circled his finger at me—“emotional repressionthing later.”
I shook my head and reached for the mouse to wake my screens back up. “Bye.”
They left without giving me any more shit, and once I was alone again, I let out a deep, shaky exhale.
It shouldn’t matter that Lucien and Kai had asked Rafael to be there for them. It shouldn’t matter that he’d be standing in front of everyone, smiling, blessing their vows, giving them the happily-ever-after he’d denied us.
It shouldn’t matter, but it did, and I couldn’t figure out which one made me more upset.
Either way, I needed to work it out.
I glanced at the dark screen.
I had one month.
9
RAFAEL
One Month Later
THE ROOFTOP GARDEN glowed under strings of warm lights and a cloudless New York night sky. A gentle breeze ruffled the white chasuble I wore for the occasion as I stood under an archway of flowers in front of Lucien and Kai, along with twenty or so of their loved ones.
I couldn’t have imagined a more perfect or beautifully serene night for the two of them as they made their vows and promises of forever.
Every now and then my gaze would catch on Alessio, and every single time I felt the collar at my throat grow tighter.
But Alessio wouldn’t look at me. Those dark eyes remained on his friends or fixed on the skyline, anywhere but me.
He hadn’t made the last monthly confession with the others. There hadn’t been another drunken late-night visit. Most days I’d even managed not to glance up at where I now knew he lived, though I couldn’t say I was strong enough to ignore him completely. As the days passed without his direct presence, I’dfelt a sense of relief…and disappointment. I told myself it was a test and threw myself into prayer and duties. But Alessio remained, deep in the back of my mind.
When Lucien leaned down suddenly, tipped Kai’s chin up, and pressed a soft kiss to his lips, my focus returned to the couple in front of me. The out-of-order move elicited a laugh and someone in the audience shouting it wasn’t time for that yet, and I cracked a smile, feeling my steady resolve return.
I blessed the rings they exchanged, and as they walked to the unity candle, my eyes shifted briefly back to Alessio. He still wasn’t looking my way, but Lachlan, who sat beside him, noticed. As soon as his eyes met mine, I jerked my attention back to where Lucien and Kai joined me again for final prayers.
How my hands and my voice managed to stay steady was beyond me, as I prayed that they always choose each other again and again, even in the face of fear and hardship. I’d spoken these words so many times, at so many different ceremonies, but this was the first time they tasted strange on my tongue. Not because I didn’t believe they’d make it—Lucien was fierce in his devotion to Kai, and Kai’s unwavering trust was beautiful to witness, and there was no doubt in my mind that God had brought them together, something my fellow priests wouldn’t agree on. They were far more conservative and traditional in their ways than I was, holding tight to the long-held belief that same-sex relationships weren’t what God intended.
