But as I watched him reach out and trace the delicate petal closest to him, I couldn’t help but imagine him touching me instead.
Softly, gently, careful not to?—
No,fuck that.I wanted him to grab me, pull me in, bruise me with fingers desperate to hang on to me and never let go. That was how he used to hold me. As that memory crashed into me, I curled my fingers around my cock and squeezed.
Rafael had known exactly what I wanted before I did, his touch both heaven and hell as he teased and tormented me into coming for him.
And now? Now I was standing up here jerking off to him like some lovesick moron who couldn’t move on whileheheaded in to conduct morning service and prayer.
Yeah, no, I wasn’t doing this.
I put the binoculars down and turned away from the window, disgusted with my lack of control on all levels. I’d let these past visits to the confessional drive me to a place I’d always promised myself I would avoid, and now I was standing here about to get myself off to a priest standing in a church courtyard?
I stormed across the living room and back through my bedroom to the en suite, where I flicked on the cold water. Then I stepped inside under the spray and cursed as the shock of it killed any kind of arousal I’d been feeling and cleared my foggy head.
Maybe God would at least give me points for that.
7
RAFAEL
ITRIED TO lose myself in the routine of my daily tasks. The morning began with a coffee alone in my office working on administrative duties, handling all the paperwork and requests that had come in overnight. Laughter filtered down the hall from the dining room where the others gathered for breakfast and fellowship, something I usually did as well but just couldn’t. Not today. Not after what I’d done.
I couldn’t even look myself in the mirror, much less at the men who held me in such high regard. It was an almost impossible standard to live up to, but I tried. I’d always tried. Even as a kid I just wanted to be seen as the good son, the politest, the most responsible. The most Godlike. I could still see the look of pride on the faces of my parents and priests that told me I was doing the right thing. It had become what I strived for, their praise and approval what I wanted so badly to earn.
What I’d done last night, though, the way I’d thought about Alessio letting desire take over? It was wrong. I knew that, and yet…
Alessio’s voice played on repeat inside my mind, finding me between phone calls and prayers. I couldn’t stop the onslaught, and it wasn’t just what he’d said, but the way he’d said them—every syllable charged with intensity, all the emotion he’d been holding back for years bursting forth to swallow me whole. There’d been anger, of course, but beneath that?
Pain. Grief. Heartache.
I gripped my pen so hard I felt it begin to splinter between my fingers.
“Lord,” I whispered, bowing my head, “please.”
I summoned every line of scripture I’d memorized over the years, reciting them in my mind, hoping they’d sink in. Hoping I could wipe the slate clean.
But every time I closed my eyes, I saw Alessio. Heard him.
And even worse, I felt my body react to him even now. I’d thought giving in to temptation last night just once would relieve me of the want, but it seemed like all it’d done was open the floodgates.
My cock stirred, my stomach tightened, and the pen snapped in my hand. Black ink ran down my fingers, marring my skin and serving as an apt reminder of the sin creeping its way through me.
A knock sounded at the door before I could spiral any further, and I blinked reality back into focus.
“Father Vitale?” Lucien Vale stood in the doorway of my office, one hand still raised and the other holding his fiancé Kai’s hand. He glanced down at the mess spreading down my wrist and arched a brow. “Bad time?”
“Oh, uh, no.” I quickly stood and grabbed several tissues to wipe off the ink, but it was going to stain. “Just a leaky pen,” I said, clearing my throat of the embarrassment and tossing the tissues in the wastebasket. I gestured toward the circle of chairs off to the side and gave them both a small smile. “Please, come in Lucien, Kai. What can I do for you?”
Lucien, an immaculately put-together man, always in black and always looking like he should be gracing runways, led Kaiinside, and I couldn’t help but marvel at the two of them together. Kai was such a gentle soul, wise beyond his young years and strong beyond his small stature. He’d been through so much in his life, and I’d never forget the first time I met him. So fragile, but hopeful, and look at him now—practically glowing and very obviously deep in love. It was a pairing I never would’ve guessed, mostly because Lucien was the owner of many infamousadultclubs around the world.
Including the club Alessio went to,my mind couldn’t help but remember.
Because Lucien wasn’t just Kai’s partner—he was also one of the seven Kings of Libertine, which meant he was a close brother of Alessio’s.
My body tensed as they sat down, and I forced myself to do the same.
Was this about Alessio? Did they somehow know what happened? That he’d shown up here, and what I’d?—
