Rubbing a hand over my face, I shifted to the edge of the bed and sat there for a long moment, not trusting that I wouldn’t fall over still half drunk if I stood.
Something hard pressed into my palm, and I lifted my hand to see a strand of tiger’s-eye beads against the stark white sheets.
My rosary.
I stared down at it, wondering why I’d taken it out from where I kept it locked away, before realizing it didn’t matter. Apparently last night had been full of mistakes, but I wasn’t repeating any of those today.
I ran a hand through my hair, pushing it out of my way, and wished it was that easy to shove the rest of my life behind me. But apparently that was all it was, a fucking wish. I’d been trying to lock my past away for years, and look what good that’d done me.
I’d wound up in a confessional booth, drunk off my ass, spilling my guts to the last person who needed, or wanted, to hear it.
Hell, maybe it was for the best. Maybe my words would finally have Rafael looking at me with something other than pity.Now, he’d just look at me like I was a fucking deviant—which was more accurate when compared to him. But who could live up to his lofty expectations? He’d always been the better of the two of us, and last night had proved that yet again.
There I’d been talking about sweaty men, tiny thongs, and touching each other, and he’d been silent and still as a statue.
It was as infuriating as it was mortifying. But I wasn’t going to sit here and twist myself into knots about it.
He’d done this to me, had made me this way, and if he had a problem with it…
Well, he could do what he always did when it came to me: pray on it.
Annoyed at that thought and the headache banging out a pounding rhythm at my temple, I scooped up the rosary and tossed it on my nightstand. Then I carefully made my way into the bathroom, where I brushed my teeth for ten minutes and gargled half a bottle of mouthwash.
A quick splash of cold water had my brain starting to rewire itself back to functioning capacity, then I made my way out of my bedroom and through the large living space of my penthouse condo.
Unlike my brothers, I didn’t have much in the way of fancy décor and expensive antiques decorating my space. I’d instead chosen a more modern, sleek style, and spent my money on the latest and greatest tech gadgets.
My home was more about open, clean spaces than warm, inviting rooms. I lived alone and enjoyed my solitude. But as I made my way through my living room and stopped at the floor to ceiling windows, the tall spier of St. Andrews Church ridiculed me.
Alone? You’re not alone.
“Shut up,” I muttered as I stared down at the corner block the church occupied. It didn’t matter that if anyone knew I’d bought this place to be able to watch the church, that they’d think I was insane.
I’d bought it anyway.
The fact I also had a clean line of sight to where a certain priest left the church each night and made his way to the rectory was just another sin I’d have to atone for later, when my time came.
Might as well throw in the binoculars too.I was sure those pissed God off to no end.
But was it my fault he’d made Rafael so fucking perfect that I couldn’t stop myself from looking? Plus, it wasn’t like I wasdoinganything.Iwasjust looking.
An alarm went off somewhere in the house, making me wince at the ringing sound that did jack shit to help my head, but I knew what it was for. It went off at the same time every morning and every night. I stared down at the small apartment at the back of the church and reached for the pair of binoculars on the side table.
This isn’t creepy at all,I thought, as I brought them up and zeroed in on the statuesque man cloaked in black. The morning sun shone off his golden hair in a way that resembled a halo. As he followed the path through the gardens to the back of the church, I spotted his Bible and rosary in his hand and wondered if he’d slept with his too.
Fuck.
The last thing I needed to think about was Rafael in a bed, especially the small one he no doubt had in the rectory. I wondered if he even fit in it. He was so tall that I couldn’t imagine his fitting a single bed, but I sure could imagine him in my king-sized one. The way he used to tangle his legs with mine…
My cock immediately stirred at the thought, the memory slamming into me as hard and fast as the ones that had infiltrated my dreams. But this one I let settle, as Rafael stopped by one of the potted plants to actually smell the fucking roses.
This man.I shook my head.He’s too damn good for me.
I knew it.
He knew it.
Even God knew it.
