“I know. And that’s okay.”
She raised a brow. “Is it?”
“Yes. You need time and distance from what happened. You need to feel safe again. With me.”
She cocked a brow. “I’m not afraid of you. You would never hurt me.”
He looked her in the eye like before. “I did hurt you. And it’s okay to hold yourself back until you’re sure. Because I will prove it to you that when I say I love you, I mean it. When I say I want to marry you, I mean it. When I say I can’t live without you, I mean it.”
“I know you do.” She needed him to believe her, too.
“Maybe in your heart. But your head needs some convincing.”
“Only because it’s really hard for me to think right now.”
“I know. But you’ll get better. Your physical injuries are healing nicely. Your mind is going to take longer.”
“The nightmares have tapered off.”
“I hope that’s because you feel safe sleeping next to me.”
“I do. My head just keeps spinning.”
“What worries you the most?”
“That everyone still thinks he’s out there. Those other women don’t know what I know.”
“I have a call with Doug later. He’s been in contact with the governor.”
“You don’t want to speak to him yourself?”
“I’m trying to keep a buffer between him and you, and I can’t be civil with him right now.”
“He isn’t the one who hurt me.”
Cody’s eyes burned with rage. “No, he’s the one letting his son get away with murder.”
“Adam is disturbed and will probably get better help in the hospital than in prison.” As much as she wanted Adam to suffer the way she was suffering, she still had enough compassion to understand the governor’s desire to help his child.
“Is that what you want? For him to get help? Or to pay for what he did to you and our little girl?”
She took a step back and slid her fingers through her hair on both sides of her hair. “I don’t know. Thinking about him makes me…insane.” She dropped her hands. “I want him to hurt like I hurt. I want him to feel the loss I feel.” She put her fist to her broken heart. “I want to rage at him and claw at him.” She brushed her fingertips over her bandaged arm. “I want him to bleed like I bled. I want him to know what it’s like to fall so deep into despair that death seems like an embrace and life feels like a brutal fight you can’t win.”
“Brooke.” Her name fell from Cody’s lips on a ragged sigh filled with sorrow.
“I want him to want her back as desperately as I do, so he’ll know the rawness of it and the biting emptiness of her absence.” She cupped his cheek in her hand. “I want him to take all your pain and mine, and still it won’t be punishment enough for what he took from us.” A tear slipped down her cheek. “But I can’t have what I want.”
“You can have me.”
“That is the only reason I’m still standing. And if it’s taken away, then what will I have left to live for?”
Cody wrapped her in his arms and crushed her to his chest. “Please, Brooke. Stay with me.”
“I would never leave you like that, Cody. But without you…I wouldn’t be able to breathe.” She could barely get a breath with how hard he held her, but she didn’t care. She needed to feel his strength, to know that what happened hadn’t broken him. And that’s when it dawned on her, she’d been so caught up in her pain, she hadn’t checked in with him on how he was feeling. He seemed capable of handling everything. But maybe he needed…something, some way to release it, too. “Cody?”
“Yes?”
“Are you okay?”
