“Always.”
He pressed a kiss just behind her ear and whispered, “I’m sorry.”
She didn’t want apologies. “Maybe this was a mistake, us sleeping together.”
He leaned up on his elbow and stared down at her. “This is the first morning you actually look rested. I slept better here with you than I have since you went back to school.”
“Since yousentme back to school.”
The light in his eyes dimmed. “What was I supposed to do?” He shook his head. “Maybe if I’d done what I wanted to do, none of this would have happened.”
Brooke slowly shifted onto her back and looked up at him. “We can’t keep doing this to each other. You’re not to blame for what happened. I should have told you about the baby. About everything.”
“It’s because of me you couldn’t come home or call when you needed help.”
“My choice, Cody.”
“You did it because you wanted me to be happy. So now I’m telling you, the only time I’m ever truly happy and just myself is when I’m with you.”
His words sank into her hollowed-out heart. The weight of his words and their meaning washed against the bleeding walls and soothed them just as much as his arms around her in the dark had banished all the scary, ugly, and sad thoughts from her mind.
She opened her mouth. To say what, she didn’t quite know.
But Cody put his finger over her lips. “You don’t have to say anything.” He’d read her mind. “You don’t have to know what you want right now. You don’t even have to trust me. But you will figure it all out. You will trust me again. Because I’ll spend every second of every day from now on showing you that I love you, that I’m not going anywhere, that you—we—can have everything we want. I will love you, the way you always loved me. With my whole heart. Without any restraint. With everything I am.”
A tear slipped past her lashes. “Cody…I do trust you. Everything you did is exactly who you are. You wanted to marry Kristi because you loved her and wanted your child to have two loving parents. A family. You let me go because you take care of your responsibilities.”
“Maybe that’s all true. But it’s also true that I selfishly and desperately wanted to be with you. I loved you the whole time I was with her after our night together. Don’t let last night and the night we shared back then be all we have. I want more. I want everything. And I think you do, too.”
“I don’t want it to be because we lost our child.”
“It’s not. I wish I could have told you that morning all the plans I woke up with in my head. I was so excited and anxious to build a life with you, one that was everything I ever wanted. A partner by my side who knew me better than I knew myself. A lover who gave herself to me completely. A friend who would always be by my side, willing to share the good, the bad, and everything in between. Someone willing to say not just what I needed to hear,but all the things I don’t want to hear either.” He cupped her cheek. “You are everything I ever wanted and was too stupid to see was right in front of me.”
“It wasn’t our time.”
“It can be now.” His eyes pleaded with her. “Or when you’re ready. Because I’ll wait as long as it takes. I’m not going anywhere, and I only want to be with you.”
“I just…” She didn’t know what to say. She didn’t know how she felt. Yes, she loved him. She’d always love him. But things were different now. She was different after what had happened, and she didn’t know if she’d ever feel like herself again and not this empty shell.
Cody brushed his fingers over her cheek. “It’s okay, Brooke. I’m glad we had this talk. I wanted a chance to tell you how I feel. It’s deep and true, Brooke. And it’s not going away. Ever. If you can try to believe that, that’s enough for now.” He bent his head and pressed his forehead to hers, his eyes closing, but not before she saw the raw love in them.
She went still and held her breath, not wanting to give any life to the hope that sparked inside her because it had been extinguished too many times and it hurt too much to lose it.
“Last night when you asked me to stay…it gave me hope.” His words echoed her thought. “I just wanted to hold you, be there for you, so you’d know I was here in case you needed me. For whatever you need from me.”
She needed him more than ever, but was afraid to reach for him.
“I didn’t want you to be alone. And, frankly, I didn’t want to be alone. It’s so damn hard to keep making myself stay away from you when this is right where I want to be.”
That tiny spark grew into a flame.
“I start thinking about what happened. I think about her and all we’ve lost, and I need to see you and touch you to know you’re still here with me.”
The flame spread through her heart.
“We can get through this as long as we have each other. If you want me beside you every night to chase away the nightmares, to hold you while you cry, to love you through the darkness until the light comes back—it always comes back. Please believe that—then I will be here. Because I need you as much as I hope you need me.”
She did need him. And after all she and Kristi had put him through, she could understand he needed her comfort, even if he helped make a mess of things.
