“Go away.” She wanted to be left alone. That’s how she felt. So alone. So empty.
Cody hung his head again, then met her sullen gaze. “I’m not going anywhere.” He dug his fingers into his bloodshot eyes and rubbed. “So stop telling me to go.” It sounded like she’d hurt his feelings.
She really couldn’t deal with the loss of her child and her broken friendship with Cody right now. “There’s a donut shop half a block away. Go. Get some coffee. Leave me alone.” She tried to roll over, but pain shot through her abdomen and her shoulder. She moaned and moved back, closed her eyes, and focused on trying to relax through the pain.
Cody brushed his hand over her head again. “Be still, sweetheart. Let me help you. Do you want to get up?”
She needed to pee, but she didn’t want his help. She didn’t want him to see just how bad she felt. The last thing she wanted or needed was his pity.
“I can do it.”
“Honey, you couldn’t swat a fly in the shape you’re in.”
“Fine. You want to play Prince Charming with a stick up his ass, let’s do that.” It hurt to have him so close and not have their daughter here. She’d waited too long, wasted too much time, and she’d denied him any chance of being a part of the pregnancy.He’d have no memory of her kicking against Brooke’s belly, or seeing her bump grow each month. They’d never talked about names. Brooke had a few in mind but had wanted to wait until after she told Cody. Now it was too late.
She wished she could just curl up in his arms and cry and let him take some of the pain she was feeling away. She wanted to tell him so many things, and all of them were stuck in her throat and muddled in her mind. The only clear thing she could remember at the moment was he was going to marry Kristi in two weeks.
He’d chosen her.
And with the loss of their baby, Brooke had no place in Cody’s future.
He was only here out of obligation.
“Just go, Cody. Go get some coffee. Get something to eat. Let me get up and figure out how I’m going to get through this day.”
“We can’t keep doing this, Brooke, acting like we’re okay without the other person in our life. I’m sorry for the way things went over Christmas. I’m sorry that you thought you couldn’t tell me you were pregnant. I know why you did it, but you still should have told me.” The choked-up words made her already broken heart ache even more. “I’m even sorrier you spent the last few days in the hospital grieving for our girl all alone. I should have been there. I should have been with you.” He leaned down and pressed his head to hers and whispered, “All this time, I should have been with you. I’m so sorry.”
She didn’t know what to do with those heartfelt words. Or the tears that dripped from his cheek onto her skin. She wanted to believe he meant it, that he wanted to be with her, but that was just his grief and emotions getting away from him.
Right?
She turned and found tears sliding down his cheeks, her sorrow reflected back to her from his watery eyes.
“I’m sorry,” he said again, then leaned over and kissed the back of her hand where she held their daughter against her belly. Then he whispered to her. “I wish you were still here.”
Brooke lost it and broke down again.
Cody softly kissed her tear-drenched lips. “I’m sorry she’s gone, sweetheart. I’m sorry more than you know. I didn’t know she was on the way, but I miss her so much already.”
He hadn’t moved more than a few inches from her face. Just enough for her to see he truly meant what he said. “We have a lot to talk about. One of those things is Kristi and the wedding. Right now, though, I just want to take care of you. Please. Let me do that.”
Overwhelmed, she simply couldn’t think and process what he was trying to tell her. This was his guilt and grief and pain making him talk and act like this.
Mindy Sue walked in, giving her a reprieve from having to confront her past with Cody again. “Hey, sweetie, you’re up. How are you this morning?” Mindy Sue stood behind Cody, staring down at her.
“You called him,” she accused.
“No. He just showed up.”
Cody sighed and planted his hands on his hips. “We received a bunch of insurance statements for Brooke’s prenatal care and a condolence card from the funeral home.”
Guilt swamped Brooke.
“Oh God, Cody. I’m sorry that’s how you found out.” Mindy Sue said exactly what Brooke wanted to say.
She never meant for him or her mom to hear what happened from anyone but her. She simply didn’t have the strength or emotional capacity to call them yet.
Cody continued to stare at her. “If not for the mail, that card, I might not have found out about any of this for days. I would have…”
