A shock of dread struck, and I forced myself to unfurl.
Too soon. It’s too soon.
Tarrin gripped my elbows, helping me up. “Gods, Ny, you’re trembling.” Deep lines etched his features where laugh lines normally formed.
I stepped out of his grasp so he couldn’t feel my traitorous body giving away just how terrified I was.
“Are you sure?” he asked again.
“It doesn’t matter.”
Understanding my resolve, he searched for something in my eyes. “How can I help?” he finally asked. Though the mask ofthe trained soldier had fallen in place, he wasn’t able to hide the flash of desperation in his eyes. I could tell he fought every protective instinct inside of himself as he witnessed my palpable fear, but he bit it down, knowing it wouldn’t benefit me.
“Help me afterward. I don’t…” I stumbled on the words. “Thaddeus isn’t going to be in a state to help. He’ll most likely be strung out on the power, and I suspect he’s going to take a lot more this time.” I couldn’t stop my body from twisting as a chill scraped through me.
“How?” Tarrin asked.
“I’m not sure. The river again, maybe—nature seems to help. Someplace warm. I really don’t know, Tarrin. If I can’t talk, just pick your best guess. And, Tarrin, if it’s really bad, get Ava, okay?”
He nodded, and the tiniest sliver of dread lifted from my chest, knowing I’d have someone to help me heal afterward.
Tarrin pulled me in for a hug, and I didn’t stop him. “I’m sorry there isn’t another way, Ny.”
“Me too,” I whispered into his chest.
Tarrin released me, turning his focus toward the steps as Thaddeus and Nevander made their way toward us.
I inhaled a stilted breath.
“I can do this,” I said to myself once more—and hoped it was true.
I stood behind Thaddeus in the center of the mat.
His fingers released the white cotton shirt soundlessly to the ground, displaying the shifting muscles of his back—the once tantalizing exhibit now having the opposite effect.
“Ready?” Nevander’s asked from the other side of Thaddeus’ bulk.
I glanced to my left, making sure Tarrin was still there. Catching him off guard, he quickly replaced the deep concern that shadowed his eyes with a small smile of silent encouragement.
Refocusing, I found Thaddeus facing me. Countless emotionsdanced in his eyes—too many to read and too mixed to pluck out a single one by name. He leaned down, and the warmth of his breath caressed me before his lips met mine. From the corner of my eye, Tarrin averted his gaze as the gentle kiss lingered.
Thaddeus pressed his forehead against mine, and in a whisper only he and I could hear, he said, “Ready?”
I squeezed my eyes tight, then met his gaze and offered a curt nod. A faint tug lifted the side of his mouth before he turned away to face Nevander.
Palms forward, I raised my trembling hands toward Thaddeus’ back. The tremors that took hold were nearly uncontrollable, threatening accidental contact before I was prepared—before I could brace myself for what came next. My mind raced, conjuring harrowing images of what our connection would unleash.
Fighting against the tide of mounting panic, I inhaled to calm myself, but my breathing was jagged and labored, doing nothing to soothe the tempest of nerves.
I clasped my hands together, holding them tight, trying to get a grip on my fear. A single tear slid down my cheek in a mocking response.
Cassy. Leighton. Mrs. E. Eithan. Thaddeus. Tarrin. Nevander. The human realm. I can do this. I can do this.
Nodding in resolve, I closed my eyes.
Power sluggishly pooled around me, as if I’d lassoed a boulder and was forcing it through thick, unyielding mud. My powers clearly didn’t want to obey, so I pulled harder—long past the point of negotiating.
The spark relented, now flowing to the place Thaddeus drew power from.
