So magnanimous of him.
In truth, I’d appreciated the reprieve, even with Clem and a few guards staying behind. I needed the time to process my emotions separate from the king, and I’d fallen into a restless slumber in my bed immediately after Roshan left.
But everything aches: my body, my mind, my heart.
I need...him. My shadow god.
My eyes flutter shut as I curl back under the blankets, hoping that sleep won’t continue to elude me. But my brain is still churning in a sour mix of bitterness, guilt, and anger that I can’t seem to overcome. Eventually, however, I give in to utter exhaustion and dream of nothing until a devoted hand brushes over my hair.
At first, the light touch makes me think of Vena and then, achingly, of my mother—but the scent of smoky darkness and oud that accompanies it is deeply familiar. My silver-haired knight in stygian armor who always seems to appear in my dreams whenever I am distressed. I’m thankful for that, at least, even if my delusions are all in my head, though admittedly, my mysterious visitor becomes more substantial the more often I imagine him.
Even in my dream state, I feel my body instantly at ease with his presence.
“You came,” my lips shape.
You called.
Usually his visits take on a more erotic slant, but these unhurried ministrations feel kind and compassionate, as if he senses—and byhe, I mean my subconscious, clearly—that I am in need of solace and tenderness. I sigh in quiet gratitude as those long, gentle fingers graze my brow, ghosting over my fluttering eyelids. His mouth touches my brow in the sweetest of kisses. For the first time since the horrific execution, my chaotic thoughts abate.
His mystical presence lulls me into a placid state of somnolence, a thousand gentle shadows stroking me into quiet serenity.
Rest and release your burdens to me, Starbright. I am here.
I sleep. Finally.
***
ASCANT FEWhours later when I wake, the sun is bright in my bedroom, making me squint as I sit up. I inhale a deep breath of the warm air, letting it fill my tight lungs. Rising, I peer out into the desert from the window, the sand dunes rolling in shimmering bands of silver and gold as the morning sun crests over them in the distance.
But the beauty I can always find to cheer me up is absent.
All I see is blood. On my hands. On myname.
Futile tears trickle out of my eyes. I lay my head on the windowsill and count the dunes that I can see, but my childhood trick to calm myself doesn’t work as well as it used to.
“Peapod?”
Snapped out of my thoughts, I turn to see my father leaning on the doorjamb, his solemn face wreathed in concern.
“Papa.” The wobbled word doesn’t even come out fully before I’m a blubbering mess that he swiftly gathers into his big, welcoming arms. I bury my face in his shirt, neither of us caring that I’m soaking him in the process.
“All will be well, my girl,” he murmurs, rubbing my back in soothing circles.
I sob harder. “It won’t. I’m a monster. Everyone saw what Idid.”
“And they also heard what the king commanded you to do,” he says gently. “Besides, you handled a difficult act with so much care and grace. It was fast, finished in a blink. Even if you were watching, you wouldn’t have seen any pain on their faces.”
“Truly?” I sniffle.
“I promise you.” He hugs me tighter. “That magic of yours is powerful. All I saw was a bright light that had me shutting my eyes and it was done. You did the best you could.”
I swallow hard at his unwavering faith in me.DidI? Or should I have fought harder?
Breathing deeply, I stay tucked in his arms for a few more minutes before sniffing and wiping my face. My skin is hot and splotchy, and I’m sure my eyes have probably swollen to twice their size. The second I think it, a cooling sensation rolls over me and what feels like a cold compress rests against my eyelids.Thank you, my simurgh.
With reluctance, I step out of my father’s embrace and scoop my thick hair up into a tail, finger-combing it and securing it with a tie. I’m sure my magic can fix that, too, but the familiar action helps to calm the noise in my head.
“So,” he says, “how are you feeling, really?”
